IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays as a part of the education process students are working for a company for a short period of time without pay. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#part #education #process #students #company #period #time #outweigh
These days internship is a part of
students
' curriculum and they receive no payment in return. I believe,
although
 there are a number of drawbacks involved in
this
 trend, the benefits accruing to
students
 are by no means
negligble
Correct your spelling
negligible
. On the plus side,there are some advantages for children who engaged in real work areas.
To begin
 with, it is highly likely to have a promising career in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 future. Simply put, they are taught in a practical way so their skills will be improved and saved
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
this
 competitive market.
For example
, graduated
students
 usually are struggling with finding a decent job. Though, companies'
proiority
Correct your spelling
priority
 is more experienced workforce to
insure
Correct your spelling
ensure
show examples
 their success.
Furthermore
, in
advance
Add a comma
advance,
show examples
 they get
fimiliar
Correct your spelling
familiar
 with
real
Correct article usage
the real
show examples
 world
were
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
 they face many problems and they learn how to deal with these obstacles which is a vital skill. A good illustration of
this
 is, how to behave with colleagues and bosses in order to have a peaceful
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
 with them.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 there are some negative points as well. The most axiomatic argument is concerned with
students
' health.
That is
 to say, it may put
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high pressure on them to do their assignments
as well as
 be on time and be present on their job which takes a significant amount of time.
As a result
, they would not have any
aspare
Correct your spelling
spare
 time to be on their own
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 may
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to anxiety and depression.
Additionally
, it may
Add a missing verb
be considerates
show examples
considerates
Correct your spelling
considered
considerate
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
abuse.
That is
, they are not
payed
Correct your spelling
paid
show examples
 any salary and just have to work for free and it is not fair for them.
labors
Change the spelling
labours
show examples
 and workers across the globe are being
payed
Correct your spelling
paid
show examples
 for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 work and
students
 are not
ecxeption
Correct your spelling
exception
exceptions
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they need to be treated in the same way. In conclusion,
internship
Add an article
an internship
the internship
show examples
 can be both rewarding and problematic . Considering all points discussed above, I believe it is
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for every child in order to have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
inssured
Correct your spelling
insured
 working life.
Submitted by m.tavasoli18 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point, and use clear topic sentences to introduce them.
coherence cohesion
Try to reduce minor grammatical errors to enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
Avoid repetition of the same ideas and instead introduce different aspects to support your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional words and phrases more effectively to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Clarify and elaborate upon your points more comprehensively to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and present, summarizing your main points well.
task achievement
Specific examples are provided to support your points, adding to the relevance of your arguments.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: