Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is said that parents should motivate their
children
to participate in group
programmes during their spare time, while
others have the opinion that children
should know how to keep themselves occupied. If children
are allowed to take part
in group
activities, they will learn how to mingle and work with various people, building a sense of unity. On the other hand
, if they can find their own task to do, they can be more productive in any talent they like. However
, in my opinion, it is better that children
choose which method is best for them as each person is different, some may be introverts and some extroverts, who would only do better if left free in a surrounding they are comfortable in.
Children
taking part
in group
activities will learn the skill
to work with and plan different tasks
together, this
helps them learn the skill
of unity, which is helpful for their future careers. As working in a
office requires Change the article
an
the
cooperation between different people in a multidisciplinary approach, exposing Correct article usage
apply
children
to these situations during childhood will be a great asset for their future goals. For instance
, it was found that, it was those doctors who took part
in group
tasks
during their childhood, showed more compassion to their patients and who took a collective decision with other doctors in case of treatment plans. Meanwhile, taking part
in group
tasks
also
helps them meet and interact with people of different backgrounds, ideas and interests. This
can widen their knowledge and provide them a
platform to share their ideas, discuss and get feedback, enhancing their education.
Add the preposition
with a
On the contrary
, if children
are allowed to decide how they want to occupy themselves, it helps them find what particular skill
they are interested in. In group
tasks
, they have to have a common opinion and may not always get a stand on their own or do what they prefer the most, but if they are alone, they will do what is best for them. Not only does it help them find a new skill
, but it also
gives them room to practise their skill
and excel in the future. This
gives them more focus and attention to something that they like. It was found that those children
who spent most of their time alone during their young ages developed a unique skill
. Most artists and celebrities who are famous reported
to Add a missing verb
are reported
have
have found their talent themselves Unnecessary verb
apply
while
being alone rather than being involved in groups.
In conclusion, although
encouraging children
to take part
in group
activities to help them widen their knowledge, exposure and sense of oneness is a positive aspect, allowing them to occupy themselves to know what is best for them is also
a good side. However
, it is best that children
choose which method they prefer as each person has a different taste.Submitted by mshkrp2 on
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grammar
While your essay presents a clear stance and provides relevant examples, be careful with minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Consider reviewing and refining sentence structures for clarity.
structure
Ensure that your paragraphs are balanced in length. Some paragraphs, such as the one discussing children occupying themselves, could be slightly more developed to match the depth of other sections.
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion and presents a balanced view. This makes your essay clear and easy to follow.
examples
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the instance about doctors and group tasks. This makes your essay more persuasive and credible.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.