IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#art #classes #child’s #development #subjects #schools
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There is a controversial
discussing
Replace the word
discussion
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 point
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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that artistic lessons hold
pivotal
Add an article
a pivotal
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 role in children’s advancement,
therefore
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 ought to be compulsory for high school learners. Despite the writer contending that
art
 should be taught
in
Change preposition
at
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 every academic
levels
Change to a singular noun
level
show examples
, as it benefits
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
students
. It should be acknowledged that studying
art
 provides the
students
creativity
Change preposition
with creativity
show examples
 and imagination in both work and entertainment.
In other words
,
art
 creates a good sense of imagination that helps them think properly and show a host of initiatives in the future.
Otherwise
,
during
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while
show examples
 studying complex subjects
such
 as Math, Physics or Chemistry,
art
 lessons
assists
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assist
show examples
 children to unwind.
Subsequently
, their mental health is able to
well
Add a missing verb
be well
show examples
 developed.
For example
, listening to music is a way for many people to alleviate stress after work or study,
this
 has been proved by many professional scientists.
In
Change preposition
As
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 a consequence, there is a significant reduction in the number of
students
Fix the agreement mistake
student
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suiciding
Replace the word
suicides
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.
Thus
, the advance of
art
 is undeniable and necessary to children’s development. It is
also
 self-evident that
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 department encourages many schools to provide
art
 lessons, especially in high schools. What the author means is that the amount of knowledge which high school
students
 have to acquire is sophisticated and wide.
Therefore
,
this
 inevitably leads to pressure and stress.
Besides
, learning
art
 is an opportunity for talented
students
’ recognition and they can choose what to do in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 future.
For instance
, there are many well-known artists whose
art
 teachers realized their talents and advised them to be
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
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.
Hence
,
art
 should be compulsorily taught
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every academic year. Taking all points into account, the writer feels that during children’s development,
art
 is indispensable in
this
 process, as it helps
alleviating
Wrong verb form
alleviate
show examples
 stress and
creating
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 creativity at
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 early age.

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coherence cohesion
Work on producing a clearer and more concise introduction. The introduction should clearly state your position and outline the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
Add specific and relevant examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Refine your logical flow and connections between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next with appropriate linking sentences.
task achievement
Your essay covers the main points and provides a clear and complete response to the task.
clear comprehensive ideas
You effectively highlight the benefits of art classes, such as reduced stress and enhanced creativity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Emotional expression
  • Mental health
  • Cultural awareness
  • Diversity and inclusion
  • Fine motor skills
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Academic performance
  • Artistic engagement
  • Career opportunities
  • Creative fields
  • Graphic design
  • Architecture
  • Game development
What to do next:
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