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Band 5.5

The government should take responsibility for their actions to the environment. To what extent do you agree?

#government #responsibility #actions #environment
In recent years, with the current speed of modernisation, it is inevitable that the
environment
 has been negatively affected. Climate change is
the
Correct article usage
an
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 alarming issue that mankind is facing
due to
 toxic fumes produced by our daily activities. It is believed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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policy makers
Correct your spelling
policymakers
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 should be responsible for the things they do toward the
environment
. I
strong
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strongly
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 advocate that argument, as I believe the authorities should be the role models for other
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
 to follow. The first thing we should consider is that in order to reduce the number of harmful materials released into the atmosphere, the government should step in to make regulations.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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US
president
Capitalize word
President
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 Joe Biden is working on a law that requires all automobiles sold by 2030
will need
Verb problem
apply
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to be free of toxic emissions. With that in mind,
cars
Change the noun form
car
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 manufacturers will shift away from traditional gas-powered engines and move toward
the
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apply
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more environmentally-friendly options. By doing so, the carbon footprints of car owners will drop significantly and that will bring hope to reduce the global warming effect.
In addition
, lawmakers all over the world can join together to turn their movements into international efforts.
For instance
, the
Copenhanghen
Correct your spelling
Copenhagen
congress
Capitalize word
Congress
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 in Climate
change
Capitalize word
Change
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 is a team effort of different countries joining
force
Change the form of the verb
forces
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 to save the
environment
. Many working policies have been made through those meetings, limiting the amount of carbon dioxide produced by different industries.
Thus
, if more nations attend the program, we can see the change on a larger scale. In a nutshell, I believe that the governors play an important part in taking responsible actions to help protect the
environment
, and different governments should join together to make it an international effort.
Submitted by kimtruong270192 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and data to support your main points. This will increase the reliability and depth of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your punctuation is accurate and consistent throughout the essay to make your writing clearer and more professional.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction clearly outlines the main argument and effectively sets the stage for the rest of the essay.
logical structure
The essay is well-structured with clear transitions between paragraphs, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
task achievement
You have included relevant and specific examples in your arguments, which strengthens your overall position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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