Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative trend?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #trend

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Nowadays, some

children

Use synonyms

spend most of their

time

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using their

smartphones

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This

Linking Words

phenomenon has been one of the major

issue

Change to a plural noun

issues

show examples

in the world.

Although

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there are some positive effects, I believe

this

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trend

Use synonyms

might

provide

Verb problem

have

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negative influences on

children

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. Society is changing so fast to the digital era. Not only

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

smartphones

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are a fashionable

trend

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, but

also

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these

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

are becoming

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

essential

device

Fix the agreement mistake

devices

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in our lives.

Change preposition

For

show examples

this

Linking Words

reason, almost all people have

smartphones

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regardless of age.

Moreover

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this

Change the determiner

these

show examples

devices are far more useful than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

other electronic devices and it makes

Correct pronoun usage

them more

show examples

convenient.

For instance

Linking Words

smartphones

Use synonyms

can help students

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

study effectively

such

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long distance

Add a hyphen

long-distance

show examples

educations

Fix the agreement mistake

education

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in academic aspects. In short, it is

imperatctive

Correct your spelling

imperative

that students want to buy

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and use

this

Linking Words

all the

time

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On the other hand

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this

Linking Words

trend

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bring

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brings

show examples

several drawbacks. First of all, there are some entertaining applications on

the

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apply

show examples

smartphones

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such

Linking Words

as online games

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

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, and

Tiktok

Correct your spelling

TikTok

show examples

In other words

Linking Words

,these entertainments

distrupt

Correct your spelling

disrupt

Change preposition

apply

show examples

studying, because they lack of ability to control

time

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and easily fall into addiction.

Additionally

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, parents cannot monitor their

children

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what

Change preposition

on what

show examples

are they doing on their

smartphones

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always. In the same vein, young

children

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might have

possibility

Add an article

the possibility

show examples

access

Wrong verb form

accessing

show examples

harmful sites

such

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as sexual or violent scam websites by

accidently

Correct your spelling

accident

According to

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recent research, a great number of

children

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are going through

the

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apply

show examples

smartphone

addticions

Correct your spelling

addictions

addiction

and they

experieced

Correct your spelling

experienced

detentions in their

shcools

Correct your spelling

schools

dut

Correct your spelling

due

show examples

to using

smartphones

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during class.

Therefore

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, it might be a negative

trend

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for young people who

cannnot

Correct your spelling

cannot

can't

adjust to

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time

Add an article

the time

show examples

of use

smartphones

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. In conclusion, it is not a clear-cut issue as there are some pros and cons. Even though

smartphones

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might not bring

the

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apply

show examples

detrimental effects in

itself

Correct pronoun usage

themselves

show examples

, it has

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

significant negative aspects more than positive effects for young

children

Use synonyms

Submitted by kimjy3329 on Mon May 20 2024

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task achievement

While your essay provides a clear response to the prompt and addresses both parts of the question, try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, you mentioned long distance education—consider elaborating on a specific app or service that facilitates this. Similarly, expanding on research findings about the negative impacts would add depth.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the paragraphs are logically structured. However, work on transitioning smoothly between ideas to make your essay more cohesive. Phrases like 'In addition' or 'Furthermore' can help guide the reader through your arguments.

overall

Consider using a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance your essay's readability. Also, pay attention to small grammatical errors and typos (e.g., 'impertive' should be 'imperative', 'shcools' should be 'schools').

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.

task achievement

The main points are relevant to the topic and you offer a balanced discussion of both positive and negative aspects.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
37
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

298 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

screen time
digital devices
smartphone addiction
online interactions
developmental impact
physical health
mental well-being
academic performance
parental supervision
proliferation of apps
engaging content
excessive use
sedentary lifestyle

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative trend?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In many parts of the world, people now often throw things away when they are broken and buy new ones, whereas in the past broken things were repaired and used again. Why do you think this is the case? What problems may it lead to?

Government should spend more money on education or sports and recreation .Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?