Some people think that climate change has a negative impact on business, while others think it provides more business opportunities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Climate
change
has become one of the biggest threat
to Fix the agreement mistake
threats
the
human extinction, Correct article usage
apply
however
, many businessmen think that this
threat
provides more opportunities to their respective businesses whereas
some think contrary
. In my opinion, Correct article usage
the contrary
climate
change
has adversly
Correct your spelling
adversely
affect
the business around Wrong verb form
affected
globe
because of certain reasons.
On the one hand, governments around the world are rising and making themselves available to combat Add an article
the globe
this
global threat
of climate
change
which is unprecedented and inevitable. Manufacturing units are on the top of list
when Add an article
the list
laws
to fight this
threat
are made which leads to restrictions and stringent laws
enforced by the governments and these laws
make business doing much more diificult
. Correct your spelling
difficult
Also
, changing temperatures around the globe make working conditions for the workers unfavourable which directly reduces production
Correct article usage
the production
capabilites
of factories around Correct your spelling
capabilities
globe
.
Add an article
the globe
On the other hand
, changing in climate
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
rose
Correct your spelling
raised
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
of
certain Change preposition
for
products
so much that factories are working hard to cope up
with the Change preposition
apply
demand
, this
, ultimately Correct pronoun usage
which
result
in larger and Correct subject-verb agreement
results
unprecedent
profits. Correct your spelling
unprecedented
For instance
, air conditioner unit
for rooms are highly demanded. As per Fix the agreement mistake
units
survey
in 2021, Correct article usage
a survey
market
Add an article
the market
a market
of
air conditioners has Change preposition
for
rose
from 20% to 35 % in just 3 years. Replace the word
risen
This
rise in demand
has not only made money for manufacturers but also
to
Change preposition
for
the
vendors. There are many more Correct article usage
apply
products
in the market which are high in demand
due to
global climate
change
and manufacturers of those products
are really making large profits.
In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that businesses are target
of governments which are making strict Add an article
the target
a target
laws
to counter the
Correct article usage
apply
climate
change
, however
, certain business
are making profit Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
due to
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
of
certain Change preposition
for
products
which are
on Correct subject-verb agreement
is
rise
because of Add an article
the rise
climate
change
.Submitted by dhindsa.randeep on
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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. While the introduction and conclusion are present, the main body paragraphs could be more logically organized to ensure a clearer flow of ideas.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are more comprehensive and detailed. Some points, although relevant, lack depth and thorough explanation. This would help achieve a clearer and more insightful response.
general advice
Pay attention to your language use and grammar. There are several small inaccuracies, such as spelling errors (e.g., 'diificult,' 'adversly') and grammatical mistakes (e.g., 'has rose' should be 'has risen'), that can affect the overall clarity and quality of your writing.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing both sides of the argument and providing your opinion, which is well integrated into the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present, which helps to frame your argument and provide a summarizing end to your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.