In some countries married couples plan to have a baby at a later age due to the demands of their professional career. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of it and give your opinion

#countries #couples #plan #baby #age #demands #career

In modern times, there is a trend that some married couples have a plan to decide

get

Verb problem

to have

show examples

baby

after their professional careers have been achieved.

This

is a social

problem

which needs to be fixed at the

nation

Replace the word

national

show examples

level because some countries have struggled with the rate of population. On the one hand, having a

baby

lately

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

a positive effect on the

nation

Change noun form

nation's

show examples

growth, contributing

developing

Change preposition

to developing

show examples

human resources.

For example

, in the Republic of Korea, there are various exceptional

company

Fix the agreement mistake

companies

show examples

such

as Samsung, LG, and KIA, and these companies have supported

to develop

Change the verb form

developing

show examples

employees'

Change preposition

of employees'

show examples

cognitive abilities and

give

Wrong verb form

giving

show examples

cutting edge

Add a hyphen

cutting-edge

show examples

technologies to them. By improving their human resources, their employees can be global leaders,

contributting

Correct your spelling

contributing

their

Change preposition

to their

show examples

company and nation.

However

, these processes take enormous time to train and

discpline

Correct your spelling

discipline

human resources to fit their

aming

Correct your spelling

aim

Therefore

, young adults may put off their plan to have a

baby

, naturally. On

ther

Correct your spelling

the

other hand, governments around the world have often struggled with their population plans that

was

Change the verb form

were

show examples

expected

maintaing

Correct your spelling

maintained

evenly by the next generations. Modern young people have tended to delay the plan to have a

baby

for achieving

Change preposition

to achieve

show examples

their own career

goal

Fix the agreement mistake

goals

show examples

, and they even say that they forgive having a

baby

until they are promoted.

This

is a critical social

problem

which may affect the national force of competition. In my opinion,

this

issue should be considered as

Change the form of the verb

being

show examples

Change the article

apply

show examples

urgent between governments and individuals. Striking a balance between young adults' professional growth and national

populartion

Correct your spelling

population

growth is really hard to meet their preferences. In conclusion,

however

it is clear that

if governments pay attention deeply and try to enough communicate with their young individuals,

this

problem

can be solved

quickly

Correct quantifier usage

more quickly

show examples

than we thought. To solve

this

problem

more effectively, young people should have an open mind and a sense of

communty

Correct your spelling

community

towards discussing

about

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

this

issue.

Submitted by jsy4893 on Tue May 21 2024

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Improvement in Language and Grammar

To enhance clarity, it's important to focus on eliminating grammatical errors and improving sentence structure. For example, 'This is a social problem which needs to be fixed at the nation level' could be better phrased as 'This is a social issue that must be addressed at the national level.'

Balanced Arguments

The essay should also offer more balanced and clearly structured arguments. Ensure that both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic are elaborately discussed. For instance, the explanation on how delaying having children impacts career goals was effective, but it would be beneficial to expand on how this trend affects young adults personally as well.

Enhanced Examples

Provide more specific examples with statistics or real-world implications to enhance the weight of your arguments. The mention of companies like Samsung and LG was good, but additional detail about how they support employees could make it more impactful.

Effective Introduction and Conclusion

The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion that frame the issue well. Your perspective is clear from the beginning and is reiterated at the end.

Addressing the Task

The essay clearly addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of delaying parenthood due to career demands.

Insightful Points

The argument about the impact on national population and competition force is insightful and relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

309 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

7.5

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries married couples plan to have a baby at a later age due to the demands of their professional career. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of it and give your opinion

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Fewer young people play sports these days. Why is this? what can be done to encourage more young people to do sports.

Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving hapiness.Others, however believe that money has nothing to do with hapiness.Discuss both views.

Some people think cars are a better way of transportation around the city, while other prefer cycling. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe the professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.