In some countries married couples plan to have a baby at a later age due to the demands of their professional career. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of it and give your opinion

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In modern times, there is a trend that some married couples have a plan to decide
get
Verb problem
to have
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a
baby
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after their professional careers have been achieved.
This
Linking Words
is a social
problem
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which needs to be fixed at the
nation
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national
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level because some countries have struggled with the rate of population. On the one hand, having a
baby
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lately
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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a positive effect on the
nation
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nation's
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growth, contributing
developing
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to developing
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human resources.
For example
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, in the Republic of Korea, there are various exceptional
company
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companies
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such
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as Samsung, LG, and KIA, and these companies have supported
to develop
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developing
show examples
employees'
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of employees'
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cognitive abilities and
give
Wrong verb form
giving
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cutting edge
Add a hyphen
cutting-edge
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technologies to them. By improving their human resources, their employees can be global leaders,
contributting
Correct your spelling
contributing
their
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to their
show examples
company and nation.
However
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, these processes take enormous time to train and
discpline
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discipline
human resources to fit their
aming
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aim
.
Therefore
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, young adults may put off their plan to have a
baby
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, naturally. On
ther
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the
other hand, governments around the world have often struggled with their population plans that
was
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were
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expected
maintaing
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maintained
evenly by the next generations. Modern young people have tended to delay the plan to have a
baby
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for achieving
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to achieve
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their own career
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
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, and they even say that they forgive having a
baby
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until they are promoted.
This
Linking Words
is a critical social
problem
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which may affect the national force of competition. In my opinion,
this
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issue should be considered as
be
Change the form of the verb
being
show examples
an
Change the article
apply
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urgent between governments and individuals. Striking a balance between young adults' professional growth and national
populartion
Correct your spelling
population
growth is really hard to meet their preferences. In conclusion,
however
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,
it is clear that
Linking Words
if governments pay attention deeply and try to enough communicate with their young individuals,
this
Linking Words
problem
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can be solved
quickly
Correct quantifier usage
more quickly
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than we thought. To solve
this
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problem
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more effectively, young people should have an open mind and a sense of
communty
Correct your spelling
community
towards discussing
about
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apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
issue.
Submitted by jsy4893 on

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Improvement in Language and Grammar
To enhance clarity, it's important to focus on eliminating grammatical errors and improving sentence structure. For example, 'This is a social problem which needs to be fixed at the nation level' could be better phrased as 'This is a social issue that must be addressed at the national level.'
Balanced Arguments
The essay should also offer more balanced and clearly structured arguments. Ensure that both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic are elaborately discussed. For instance, the explanation on how delaying having children impacts career goals was effective, but it would be beneficial to expand on how this trend affects young adults personally as well.
Enhanced Examples
Provide more specific examples with statistics or real-world implications to enhance the weight of your arguments. The mention of companies like Samsung and LG was good, but additional detail about how they support employees could make it more impactful.
Effective Introduction and Conclusion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion that frame the issue well. Your perspective is clear from the beginning and is reiterated at the end.
Addressing the Task
The essay clearly addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of delaying parenthood due to career demands.
Insightful Points
The argument about the impact on national population and competition force is insightful and relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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