In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to do part-time jobs. What’s the situation like in your country? What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of doing part-time jobs?
Nowadays, there is a growing trend of teenagers taking part-time
jobs
, in my country as well. While
this
trend gains its populariy
, a lot of criticisms Correct your spelling
popularity
also
follow. Some people
assert that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits, however
, I tend to disagree.
To begin
with, part-time jobs
provide young people
hands-on
Change preposition
with hands-on
experience
which may benefit their career explorations. A survey to
HRs from all walks of life reveals that among the graduates, most of the companies are in Change preposition
of
favor
of choosing Change the spelling
favour
the
applicants who Correct article usage
apply
had
some part-time job Wrong verb form
have
experience
because they believe those applicants are more capable and with good time management skills. Therefore
, doing a part-time job is in a way practicing
the Change the spelling
practising
theoractical
knowledge acquired fromCorrect your spelling
theoretical
the
Correct article usage
apply
school
, in addition
, it is a great opportunity to build up one's networking thus
paving the way for the
future career development.
Correct article usage
apply
In addition
, part-time jobs
leads
to young Change the verb form
lead
people
's financial independence. For instance
, in my country, some teenagers are encouraged to work
after school
in order to relieve the family financial burden caused by the rising tuition fees. As a result
, such
experience
often shape young Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
people
's personality
to be responsible and mature which are both good qualities needed in the job Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
markets
. Though some Fix the agreement mistake
market
people
argue that Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
work
after school
may potentially impact teenagers' academic performance at school
, in fact, balanced hours of part-time work
can relieve the stress from their studies which is Correct your spelling
beneficial
beneficail
to Correct your spelling
beneficial
Wrong verb form
maintaining
maintain
good mental health.
Wrong verb form
maintaining
To conclude
, part-time jobs
are rewarding to young people
in many aspects. The advantages include gaining work
experience
, helping out with family financial situations, becoming more responsible and timely organized, and so on. I do think it is positive to
a Change preposition
for
teenage's
current life and Replace the word
teenager's
also
future prospect
.Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
Submitted by carriexue23 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Grammar and Spelling
There are a few grammar and typographical errors in the essay that need to be addressed. For example, 'popularity,' 'theoretical,' 'beneficial,' and 'leads' should be corrected to 'popularity,' 'theoretical,' 'beneficial,' and 'lead,' respectively. Proofreading for such errors would improve the overall quality.
Content Development
While the essay does provide relevant examples, try to integrate more diverse examples or research to make the arguments stronger. Also, expanding on points with more detailed explanations will provide greater clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay generally follows a logical structure, but some sentences can be rephrased for greater clarity. For instance, restructuring long sentences into shorter ones can help make the points clearer. Additionally, try to include more transition phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs.
Introduction and Conclusion
The essay features a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion effectively. This is a strength as it provides a clear overview and summary of the points made.
Supporting Points
The main points are relevant and well-supported with examples, especially the connection between part-time jobs and career development, as well as financial independence. These examples are practical and relatable, adding strength to your arguments.