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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the performance of a bus company in terms of punctuality, both actual and target (what actually happened compared to what the company was trying to achieve), and the number of complaints and passengers.

The charts below show the performance of a bus company in terms of punctuality, both actual and target (what actually happened compared to what the company was trying to achieve), and the number of complaints and passengers.
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The given bar charts present the performance of a
bus
Use synonyms
 company from 1999 to 2003 where one compares the punctuality of its service between actual and targeted indicated in percentages, and another compares the number of
complaints
Use synonyms
 per thousand
passengers's
Remove the s
passengers'
show examples
 journey.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
during the first four comparing years never accomplished its aims,
whereas
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2003 was the only year that its figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
Add an article
the bus
show examples
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
 arriving on
time
Use synonyms
 had
surpassing
Change the verb form
surpassed
show examples
 its targeted goal.
However
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
show examples
 its punctuality success, its
complaints
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 by far the most among other the given
time
Use synonyms
 frame.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in terms of arrival
time
Use synonyms
, in 1999 and 2000
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
were aiming
Wrong verb form
aimed
show examples
 to pursue
punctual
Correct article usage
a punctual
show examples
 arrival
time
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 86%,
hence
Linking Words
, the actual number
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 far behind
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its goal at 1% and 4%, respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they dropped
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their milestone
1
Change preposition
by 1
show examples
% more as a hope of accomplishment and yet they still have not made it in the end. Surprisingly, with
Correct article usage
a slighly
show examples
slighly
Correct your spelling
slight
 fall of its target, the
bus
Use synonyms
finally
Linking Words
outwin
Change the verb form
outwins
show examples
 its
dreamed
Replace the word
dream
show examples
 figure in 2003. In regards
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
,
disatisfaction
Correct your spelling
dissatisfaction
satisfaction
 reports of the
bus
Use synonyms
 service, in 1999 at about 70
complaints
Use synonyms
 received was the lowest
figures
Fix the agreement mistake
figure
show examples
 among the other years.
Though
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, there were fluctuation trends
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the aforementioned reports between
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000 and 2002 ranging from more than 80 to 110
complaints
Use synonyms
. In 2003, the satisfaction of the commuters
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 not matched and
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
complaints
Use synonyms
 skyrocketed
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 120
complains
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words bus, complaints, time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • punctuality
  • target versus actual performance
  • correlation
  • consistency
  • trends
  • passenger numbers
  • complaints
  • assessment
  • measures taken
  • impact
  • effectiveness
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