48.Some people say that outdoor activities benefit children's development rather than computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Since the advent of computer
games
, children
have found an alternative to traditional means of play such
as,
playing outside. Some people believe that playing outside is more Remove the comma
apply
benificial
to a child's Correct your spelling
beneficial
development
. While
video
games
can bring temporary enjoyment, I strongly agree that outdoor activities are more benificial
to a young Correct your spelling
beneficial
ones
growth. Change to a genitive case
one's
This
eassy
will discuss why the Correct your spelling
essay
easy
benifits
of outdoor activities far outweigh Correct your spelling
benefits
video
games
.
Playing outside enhances children
's physical health and social skills which are necessary for their development
. For
example
playing sports or engaging in playground Add a comma
example,
games
helps children
develop motor skills, coordination and overall
fitness. Additionally
outdoor play encourages teamwork, communication and social interaction, which are crucial for developing interpersonal skills and building friendships. Add a comma
Additionally,
Therefore
, playing outside and interacting with pupils is vital for the youth's development
On the other, video
games
have a negative effect on kids' mental and physical heatlh
. Correct your spelling
health
For instance
, children
who play video
games
have a higher chance of developing a sedentary lifestyle which can lead to obesity and health problems. Furthermore
, computer games
inhibit contact with people in the real world which leads to social awkwardness and difficulty in forming relationships. Hence
, palying
spending time hooked to devices and playing Correct your spelling
playing
games
has a widely negative impact on the youth's growth.
In conclusion, while
video
games
can be a getaway for many young ones to have fun in alternative ways, they can have many undesirable outcomes on the normal development
of a toddler. It is agreed that having real world
experiences is more Add a hyphen
real-world
benificial
to the normal Correct your spelling
beneficial
development
of the youth.Submitted by James
on
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coherence cohesion
Work on refining the logical flow of your arguments, ensuring each point transitions smoothly to the next. This will help in making your essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Ensure that all your ideas are fully developed and well-supported with specific examples or evidence. This will make your arguments more compelling,
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining your position clearly and summarizing effectively. This helps to frame your arguments well.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task effectively, discussing both outdoor activities and computer games in relation to children's development.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your response.