Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#money #time

Some

people

think that more

money

and less leisure

time

is better than making a little bit

money

Change preposition

of money

show examples

and more free

time

. In my point of view,

most

Add an article

the most

show examples

important thing

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

here is

people

's lifestyles because

while

working a

lot

is a really stressful thing for some

people

, for others it can be not a very concerning thing. The primary

reason

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

that some

people

are choosing working so hard in their lives

because

Add a missing verb

is because

show examples

seeing their potential

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

as well as

the

money

that they earn

at the end

makes them feel stronger and confident in life.

For example

, my uncle is the most hardworking person that I have ever seen, he just

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

2 week

Add a hyphen

2-week

show examples

vacation in a year but it is not a big deal for him because in these 2

weeks

Add a comma

weeks,

show examples

lives

Verb problem

has

show examples

the best adventures and

miserible

Correct your spelling

miserable

experiences of his life. Since

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

this

holiday is enough for him

anually

Correct your spelling

annually

because he knows how to spend his

time

enjoyfully.

Secondly

, there are

also

some individuals that

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

need little breaks

temperory

Correct your spelling

temporary

in their lives,

otherwise

, they get stressed a

lot

and it

cause

Replace the word

causes

show examples

depression which is the main

reason

for not being productive enough in their work.

Moreover

this

lifestyle

suitable

Add a missing verb

is suitable

show examples

for them so, they don't have any problem with earning

small

Add an article

a small

show examples

amount of

money

because

main

Add an article

the main

show examples

reason

Change preposition

for

show examples

their happiness is

lots

of free

time

For example

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

questionary

Correct your spelling

questionnaire

show examples

in some universities in my country shows that

majority

Correct article usage

the majority

show examples

of students in these universities

planning

Wrong verb form

plan

show examples

to have a lifestyle which consists

lots

Change preposition

of lots

show examples

of breaks, small

kind

Fix the agreement mistake

kinds

show examples

travels

Fix the agreement mistake

travel

show examples

and so on, rather than working all day. The main

reason

for that which many of them conclude was their family. They said that their family members, especially their parents work a

lot

but they can not find enough happiness or excitement in their home

however

they are financially stable and have enough

money

for travelling

Change preposition

to travel

show examples

lots

Change preposition

to lots

show examples

of places. All in all, I think everybody

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

to understand what they really want in their life and which lifestyle is

mos

Correct your spelling

most

suitable for them and their family.

Because for

Correct word choice

For

show examples

some working a

lot

and earning

lots

money

can be the best way

for living

Change preposition

to live

show examples

while

it can be like

Remove the article

apply

show examples

torture for others.

Submitted by i.nureddinn on Tue May 21 2024

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coherence cohesion

Try to proofread your essay in order to eliminate grammatical errors and enhance the overall readability. You have some small inaccuracies that could be easily fixed.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph contributes a clear, cohesive idea to support your argument. Some sentences in your essay could be better connected for improved coherence.

task achievement

Add more concrete examples and explanations to your supporting points. This will help in illustrating your ideas more thoroughly.

task achievement

Clarify your main argument in the introduction and conclusion. While your essay does well in having both, your main viewpoint should be a bit more emphasized.

content

Your essay shows a good understanding of both perspectives related to the topic of money versus free time. You provided examples to support each viewpoint.

structure

You have structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which adds to the readability and flow of your text.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

375 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

5.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
facilitating
lifestyle
professional development
increased stress
work-life balance
hobbies
quality time
physical and mental health
financial constraints
luxury items
overall well-being
personal growth
middle ground
sacrificing

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Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

In the past, most people spend their entire career working for one company, whereas people nowadays move from one job to another. What are the advantages and disadvantages of each? Which do you think is better?

Part 2 Some educators believe that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

We should fix the traffic and transportation by making everyone lives in the cities not suburbs or countrysides. What to extent do you agree or disagree?