IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think it is better to have many short holidays during the years. Others believe it would be beneficial to have fewer longer vacation. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it
best
Add a missing verb
is best
show examples
 to have a short vacation
while
Linking Words
 others think that having
a longer
Correct the article-noun agreement
a longer holiday
longer holidays
show examples
holidays
Use synonyms
 will be better than a short vacation .
This
Linking Words
 topic should be examined carefully before forming an opinion. Both points of view will be discussed in the following essay.
Body paragraph 1
Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that short
holidays
Use synonyms
 are better for several reasons .
For example
Linking Words
, a study published at New York University concluded that 60% of
people
Use synonyms
 like to get
a short
Correct the article-noun agreement
a short holiday
short holidays
show examples
holidays
Use synonyms
 and see
that
Linking Words
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best method to get a break and to feel more relaxed.
Moreover
Linking Words
, short
holidays
Use synonyms
 help to provide a great mood and improve it .In our words, it helps to keep out bad excitement as nerves and stress.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, some families want to get a short enjoy and feel over the moon with their children because after that have work or study .
Body paragraph 2
Alternatively, others argue that longer vacations are the best and they are a cup of tea .
For instance
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 choose
this
Linking Words
 type of holiday to get more relaxed after a longer trouble
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their work.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, others like to seet to learning new language and study .
Linking Words
Whereas
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 should keep longer because they have a therapeutic trip . Not only that but
also
Linking Words
,
70
Correct word choice
but 70
show examples
% of
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to discover multiple cultures and their new traditions.
Conclusion
In short, vacations are a controversial topic with different opinions.
However
Linking Words
, both sides have their merits on balance. Personally,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that the advantages of short vacations are more than negative.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
In the introductory paragraph, make sure to clearly restate the topic and preview the structure of your essay.
task response
Ensure that each main point is clearly and comprehensively explained to help the reader understand your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve logical structure by using clear topic sentences and ensuring paragraphs follow a logical order.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices such as transition words to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid abrupt transitions and ensure that the connection between ideas is clear and smooth.
task response
You presented both views on the topic and provided specific examples for each viewpoint.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarized the discussion and stated your opinion clearly.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: