IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Topic: In many countries, there is a growing gap between the technical skills of younger people and those over the age of fifty. What problems does this cause, and what solutions could minimize the problems?

#topic #countries #gap #skills #people #age #fifty
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Technical
gap
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 refers to the difference between the
technology
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 that each
generation
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 encounters. It is an undeniable fact that the
gap
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 in technical skills between older individuals and
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generation
Capitalize word
Generation
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 Z can lead to some harmful consequences;
however
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, several steps can definitely be taken to tackle the problem. To commence with, some main effects can be the results of
this
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 growing
gap
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. The first one is that
new
Correct article usage
the new
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generation
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 cannot get
along with
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 them easily, because they were born in the golden era of
technology
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.
For example
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; the elderly prefer to enjoy gathering outside
while
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 youngsters relish surfing the Internet. The other impact is that
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 will face
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of technological skills as soon as possible, so they may not do their daily activities in a good way.
For instance
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; it is needed to
figour
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figure
 out how to use
internet
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the internet
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 to order stuff like food online which can be problematic for
this
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 group of people.
As a result
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, they usually have to get aid from
youngers
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youngsters
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 and steal their time.
On the other hand
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, there are plenty of measures that can be taken to deal with
this
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 issue. If people who are over the age of fifty want to get rid of some difficulties which are strictly rely on
technology
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, they can participate in some courses
associate
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associated
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 with it.
For example
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, there are ample classes held by governments to teach the latest versions of
technology
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 in Japan.
Likewise
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, it is a good idea for
youngers
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youngsters
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 to share whatever they learnt with their parents.
In other words
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, if elderly members
loath
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loathe
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 the technological courses and they do not opt to attend,
new
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a new
the new
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generation
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 can play a pivotal role as a teacher at home which will be a win-win situation for both of them.
To sum up
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, the more elderly suffer from
lack
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a lack
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 of technological knowledge, the more challenges they will face.
As a result
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, the technical
gap
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 between
new
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the new
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generation
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 and elderly people will rise unless the authorities hold some technological courses and
youngers
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youngsters
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 help them by teaching them inside.
Submitted by abhari1997 on

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task response
The introduction could be more engaging. Consider starting with a surprising fact or a thought-provoking question. Additionally, a clearer thesis statement outlining the problems and solutions would help to set expectations for the essay.
coherence cohesion
There are minor grammatical errors and some awkward phrasing that slightly detract from the clarity. For example, 'generation Z cannot get along with them easily' could be phrased as 'the younger generation may find it difficult to relate to older individuals'. Proofreading and minor adjustments will enhance the readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from more precise transitions between paragraphs to enhance flow. Words like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' and 'Consequently,' would help guide the reader through the arguments more effectively.
task response
You have provided relevant specific examples that support the main points, such as the difference in activities enjoyed by different generations and examples of courses in Japan.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively encapsulates the essay's main points and reiterates the importance of addressing the technological gap.
supported main points
Main points are supported with examples, which adds to the essay's credibility. Specific examples like ordering food online illustrate real-life impacts.
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