IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that robots are important to human's future development while others believe they are dangerous. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #robots #future #development
The debate
Correct article usage
Debate
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 exists
between
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about
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 the
future
 prospects of society through
development
Add an article
the development
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 of technology.
Although
 some consider the robot's
evolvement
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evolution
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 as a
nessecity
Correct your spelling
necessity
 for
successful
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a successful
show examples
future
, I believe the risks of them completely
erradicating
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eradicating
human kind
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humankind
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 are far greater. Some
people
 believe the continuous
development
 of
robots
 can improve the
future
 of society
like
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by
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 conserving time and simplifying the lifestyle. One of the main goals in the
development
 of new technologies and
robots
 is to improve
people
's lives so that
robots
 could do the mundane things like cleaning,
cooking
Correct word choice
and cooking
show examples
while
people
 would have more time to work or be with their family .
For instance
, nowadays,
the
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apply
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artificial
intellegence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 has
a
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the
show examples
 capacity to write reports, create music,
images
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and images
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, and solve math problems.
Therefore
, it saves a lot of time and allows humans to use it in a more productive manner.
On the other hand
, there is a risk of
robots
 fully replacing
people
. The speed at which the
development
 of
robots
 has
went
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gone
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 for
last
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the last
show examples
 couple of
yers
Correct your spelling
years
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 is incredible.
Following
this
,
as a consequence
, the number of them rose as their capabilities. Take
for example
proffessions
Correct your spelling
professions
, over the course of a decade some jobs like accountant and cashier lost
the
Correct article usage
apply
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demand,
due to
 the
robots
 and the same work they can do.
This
 fact makes a number of
people
 worry about the
future
 and a
posssible
Correct your spelling
possible
 threat of erasing
human kind
Correct your spelling
humankind
show examples
. Which I think can happen if we do not stop relying on technologies too much and understand. All in all, even though
robots
 can improve
human's
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human
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lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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, I believe their threat to the world is far
more
Change the word
apply
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greater
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if
people
 continue relying on them too much.
Submitted by katenok200312 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses both views on the topic and provides a clear opinion, which is good for task achievement. However, the arguments can be further elaborated with additional evidence and examples. Try to explore each point in more depth.
coherence cohesion
Pay close attention to spelling and grammar errors, such as 'erradicating', 'nessecity', 'intellegence', 'went', 'yer', 'posssible', 'proffessions', etc. Correcting these errors will help improve clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and includes an introduction and conclusion. However, transitional phrases and connectors between sentences and paragraphs can be improved to enhance the flow of ideas. Use words like 'furthermore', 'moreover', and 'however' for better cohesion.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument regarding the development of robots and provides an opinion, which makes the response comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the writer's opinion, providing a cohesive end to the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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