o what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Nowadays, the
newspaper
has been disappearing in the world. Some
people
would suggest that
newspapers
will be completely replaced by online
news
,
while
others argue that
newspapers
have demand among some
people
. I partly agree with the latter view because the traditional press has a crucial role
worldwides
Correct your spelling
worldwide
. On the one hand, there are some grounds for
this
view that the
newspaper
will be replaced with internet
news
. As a society is rapidly transitioning to the digital era, the
news
methods are changing to digital ways as well. In fact,
people
prefer to check the new technology
news
than the traditional
news
such
as paper, and radio.
For instance
, the public can check the items through their digital devices, regardless of their
locations
Fix the agreement mistake
location
show examples
, and they do not have to pay to read the
news
. In short, online
news
will show
dramtic
Correct your spelling
dramatic
growths
Fix the agreement mistake
growth
show examples
, because it is convenient and free.
On the other hand
, I believe that
newspapers
might not disappear even in the future.
To begin
with, there are still many fans of paper type. In general, the main readers are the senior citizens who are unfamiliar with the new technologies. If the
newspaper
completely
change
Change the verb form
changes
show examples
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online, it
must
Verb problem
will
show examples
bring several side-effects like the isolation of
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
.
According to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent
researh
Correct your spelling
research
, over 60% of elderly
people
are struggling with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
internet
news
, and their options decreased because most
newspaper
companies
had been
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
stopped making
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
newspapers
.
Nevertheless
Add a comma
Nevertheless,
show examples
news
should play a significant role
to transmit
Change preposition
in transmitting
show examples
the
deepth
Correct your spelling
depth
items to the public, online
news
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
to provide less
truthworthiness
Correct your spelling
trustworthiness
.
Therefore
, even if the
newpapers exprience
Correct your spelling
newspapers experience
a downward trend,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
will not disappear or be replaced completely. In conclusion, it is not a clear-cut issue as there are pros and cons of both perspectives.
However
, I suggest that, even though
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online
news
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
significiant
Correct your spelling
significant
benefits, the
newspaper
has the needs
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
many
people
.
Submitted by kimjy3329 on

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task achievement
Overall, the task response is comprehensive. However, make sure that you strengthen your arguments with more specific and varied examples. The example provided primarily focuses on the elderly, and broadening the scope of examples would make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Increase the clarity of some sentences to improve readability. Grammar and spelling errors (e.g., 'exprience', 'researh', 'dramatic growths') should be minimized to ensure smooth comprehension.
coherence cohesion
In general, the essay has a logical structure and reads well. However, improving transitions between paragraphs (e.g., using linking words like 'Moreover', 'Additionally') would enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining the introduction and conclusion to make them more impactful. Clearly summarizing your stance and observations in the conclusion will leave a stronger impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is thoroughly supported by evidence and/or elaboration. For instance, expand on why online news is deemed less trustworthy and how newspapers contribute to deep understanding of issues.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively introduces the essay topic and presents a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Both sides of the argument are addressed, providing a comprehensive view of the issue at hand.
coherence cohesion
The essay is easy to follow with a clear division of paragraphs.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • fluency
  • communicate
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • opportunities
  • globalized world
  • job market
  • interact
  • linguistic abilities
  • cultural exchange
  • language proficiency
  • language barrier
  • foreign travel
  • personal growth
  • academic achievement
  • self-confidence
  • enhance
  • cross-cultural communication
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