Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views
When finish
at
school, teenagers have to dilemma to get a job or continue Change preposition
apply
of
their education. Meanwhile getting a job straight after school Change preposition
apply
have
a lot of benefits, there are Correct subject-verb agreement
has
also
good reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
might
why it could be beneficial when Verb problem
apply
go
to university or college.
It seems clear that when Change the verb form
going
Add the particle
to choose
choose
work straight after Change the verb form
choosing
shcool
for several reasons. Many young people want to start earning Correct your spelling
school
a lots
of money as soon as possible. In Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
this
way, the
can Correct your spelling
they
independent
, and they Add a missing verb
be independent
wil
be able to afford their own house or establish Correct your spelling
will
company
. In terms of, the people who Add an article
the company
a company
is
decide to work can develop their career quickly and have Change the verb form
are
oppotunity
meet the talented people in the business world. Correct your spelling
opportunity
This
can lead their
Change preposition
to their
successful
and move up Replace the word
success
Change preposition
in the
the
Change the word
their
career
.
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
On the other hand
, it can eassily
Correct your spelling
easily
understand
why others choose Wrong verb form
be understood
continue
their Add the particle
to continue
learns
. Replace the word
learning
Firstly
, acdemic
qualifications are required Correct your spelling
academic
many
professions. Change preposition
in many
For instance
, becoming doctor
, lawyer ,and police there Correct article usage
a doctor
are
impossible without having the relevant degree. As a Correct subject-verb agreement
is
results
, university Correct the article-noun agreement
result
graduated
have access Wrong verb form
graduates
better
job Change preposition
to better
chance
, and their income will Fix the agreement mistake
chances
higher
salaries than those have not Add a missing verb
have higher
qualificantions
. Correct your spelling
qualifications
Secondly
, the postion
of applying for Correct your spelling
position
the
Director in the above industries will have fierce competition, and those with degrees will be prioritized Correct article usage
apply
than
others.
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments for starting work straight after school, but higher
education can Change preposition
over
also
lead to a successful career.Submitted by [email protected]
on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good structure overall, but the introduction and conclusion need more attention to improve readability and completeness.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas with more specific examples. This will help in making your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Many grammatical errors and awkward phrases were noted. It would be beneficial to review and revise your sentences for better clarity.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views thoroughly and provides arguments for each side, which is crucial for a complete response.
coherence cohesion
The main points in your essay are logically structured, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.