IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say history is important subject and other say science and technology. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #history #science #technology
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There is always a
never ending
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never-ending
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 debate between
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 who argue for
science
 and those who argue for history. Though both are inevitable for human evolution,
Science
 and technology grew civilization and shaped it the way they live today. When it comes to
science
 and technology, Humans made
an
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apply
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extreme progress and it will continue
thoughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
. Nowadays jobs pay more to
induviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 who use their brain higher than those who use their physical strength. The 6th sense in the brain placed Human
being
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beings
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 above other living beings. But
people
 themselves went above and beyond to a greater extent by using technological growth. Physically challenged can now move themselves using automated chairs. Growth in biological tech pushes life expectancy to
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 level. With the amount of global population and increasing power demands are met by nuclear power plants which is quite inevitable and is one of the most efficient ways of power production. Though it contributed a lot, we could still not conclude scientific research
as
Correct your spelling
is
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 an undisputed field of study Society should look back
in
Change preposition
on
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timeline
Add an article
the timeline
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 to cherish their past and understand
the
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that
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 evolution is vital for anyone.
People
 run faster behind
science
 and
modern
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the modern
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 world and
misses
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miss
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 out
to look
Verb problem
apply
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on the way they came so far. Getting to know
lifestyle
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the lifestyle
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 of men and women back in centuries would
feels
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feel
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 both fascinating and nostalgic. A mankind which fails to unveil
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 roots will not bloom. Upholding a subject without considering the other is never a good idea. Though updating
the
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apply
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lives with tech feels awesome and exciting it is equally important to learn
the
Change preposition
about the
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 past and the way
people
 lived those days.
Science
 and
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research
reasearch
Correct your spelling
research
keeps
Correct subject-verb agreement
keep
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people
 in safe hands from ancient flaws and history
gave
Wrong verb form
has given
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 a lot of insights about
ancestors
Correct article usage
the ancestors
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 of today's humans
Submitted by pingmeonrajesh on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and logical flow. Also, ensure that transitions between paragraphs are smooth.
Task Achievement
Better support your main points with relevant and specific examples. This will make your argument more compelling and concrete.
General Advice
Work on refining your language and addressing minor grammatical issues for higher clarity and precision.
Task Achievement
The essay shows good effort in addressing both sides of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have managed to include an introduction and a conclusion, which frames your essay well.
Task Achievement
There are attempts to provide clear and comprehensive ideas about both science and technology and history.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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