Some people think children’s spending time on TV, video and PC games is good,while others think it is bad. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

At present, a lot of
children
are wasting their time by watching videos or playing movies. Some individuals opine that it is effective
while
others believe that it is bad. I, personally side with the latter view. In the following paragraphs, I intend to discuss both these views and give my opinion.
To begin
with, lots of youngsters are now sticking with the screen of mobiles and computers and it leads to
keep
Change the verb form
keeping
show examples
them inside the house. Nowadays, criminal activities and pollution have
incrased
Correct your spelling
increased
a lot. Sometimes, It can be hazardous to the young child. So, parents need to give them something to keep them in the house.
For instance
, a survey of BRAC depicted that environmental pollution has increased drastically so that it could be a catastrophe for
snall
Correct your spelling
small
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
Moreover
, playing games or watching different types of videos has
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
significant impact. It helps them to stimulate the cognitive development.
Such
as, playing
candy crush
Correct your spelling
Candy Crush
show examples
can help
youngers
Correct your spelling
youngsters
show examples
boost their
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
skills. It can
also
help them think outside the box. So,
according to
some people,
this
habit is
fruitfill
Correct your spelling
fruitful
.
On the other hand
, adolescents who are more prone to mobile or television, end up with higher obesity.
As a result
,
children
are facing many problems regarding health issues at a very young age. To illustrate, in 2023 lots of school
children
are suffering from diabetes, eye problems and mental disorders.
Furthermore
,
this
overuse of games or television results in less concentration in studies. Ultimately, it impinges
their
Change preposition
on their
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study lives. In my perspective, students who are engaged in using electronic devices, are likely to spend less time with families. It
also
increases stress,
frustration
Correct word choice
and frustration
show examples
and the relationship with families
also
deteriorates. So, parents should take
Correct article usage
the initiatives
show examples
initiatives
Fix the agreement mistake
initiative
show examples
to keep their
children
away from these devices.
To conclude
, the growing number of
children
are stuck on the devices.
Although
it has few benefits, it still is very disadvantageous for babies.
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task response
Make sure to address both views in a balanced way. Currently, the essay leans more towards the negative aspects of screen time. Some additional positive facets could be discussed more thoroughly.
task response
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your arguments. Broader generalizations weaken the strength of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas to improve coherence and cohesion. Some of the paragraphs feel slightly disjointed.
coherence and cohesion
Conclusion should summarize the main points made in the essay more strongly and restate the opinion in a compelling manner.
task response
The essay clearly states the writer's opinion and maintains it throughout, which is a good practice.
coherence and cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, aiding in the structure of the essay.
task response
Examples like the survey of BRAC and mentions of Candy Crush help in supporting the points being made.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • educational opportunities
  • technical skills
  • digital future
  • cultural exposure
  • screen time
  • physical health
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • violent content
  • inappropriate content
  • parental supervision
  • setting boundaries
  • behavioral impact
  • mental health
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