Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
These days, the majority of individuals
socialise
Correct pronoun usage
who socialise
among
one another have modified tremendously Change preposition
with
due to
technological advancements. In this
essay, I will explain how this
affects the relationship between parents
and children
, and why I believe this
is a negative development.
Technologies have affected in several ways of the relationships of humans. The primary one is that there is a lack of bonding between parents
and children
. Nowadays, most parents
are working that
makes them Correct pronoun usage
which
to
give the least attention towards their Change the verb form
apply
children
. Eventually, they spend most of their time on the internet in
playing online games. Change preposition
apply
Hence
, there is a lack of interaction between the father, the mother and the children
. For instance
, in India, many IT professionals are
working in two different shifts have Unnecessary verb
apply
a
little time to look after their wards and they Correct article usage
apply
stay
most of their free time Verb problem
spend
on
the interest in order to escape isolation, which dramatically leads to Change preposition
in
absence
of communication Add an article
the absence
an absence
betwen
families and Correct your spelling
between
children
.
I strongly believe that this
phenonmenon
has a downside trend because Correct your spelling
phenomenon
this
can cause behavioural issues in the
Correct article usage
apply
children
. That is
to say, parents
tend to be the major influencers for every children
Change to a singular noun
child
,
when they do not receive appropriate guidance from them, they will fail to obey the rules and show disobedience in the public. Remove the comma
apply
This immoral personalities
can lead them to get involved in unlawful activities. Change the determiner
This immoral personality
These immoral personalities
For example
, in India, some students who are addicted to video games start to steel
money from their Correct your spelling
steal
parents
and buy X-box,gamer softwares
and consoles without the knowledge of their Correct your spelling
software
parents
. if they get involve
in these Wrong verb form
involved
minon
crimes at early ages, they will make bigger crimes when they grow up.
In conclusion, I believe that developments in technology will divide Correct your spelling
minor
parents
and children
because they are giving
more attention to playing online games and Verb problem
paying
this
can affect their characters.Submitted by prasadjul1986 on
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Task Response
The essay addresses the question adequately but could include a broader range of ways in which technology affects relationships to provide a fuller picture.
Task Response
Work on providing more specific and varied examples to support your points. This will help to illustrate your arguments more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas within paragraphs to enhance coherence. This will make your essay easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive language and vary sentence structures to maintain reader interest and flexibility in expression.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and appropriately frame the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay stays focused on the topic of how technology affects relationships and maintains a logical structure.
Task Response
Provides some relevant examples, like the situation of IT professionals in India, which adds credibility to your argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite