IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people belive public health is governement duties but some people believe that sign everyone to keep own health. Please discuss both of views

Keeping healthcare is very important for
everyone
Use synonyms
 because of basic and necessary to become liable to
everyone
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should
give
Verb problem
provide
show examples
 good
services
Use synonyms
 for public
health
Use synonyms
 so can fulfil
health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 needs. Good service for public
health
Use synonyms
 depends on how the
government
Use synonyms
 can
concerned
Add a missing verb
be concerned
show examples
 and
commit
Change the form of the verb
committed
show examples
 to
health
Use synonyms
 issues. The first point about law and public policy
apply
Change the verb form
applies
show examples
 that
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Government
Use synonyms
 duties. All of the decisions are very influential for society. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
 are assurance of course only the
Government
Use synonyms
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
can develop dan set the price or free
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
BPJS (Social Security Organisation) from the Ministry of
Health
Use synonyms
 is divided into some classes, starting free for poor people and paid class.
Secondly
Linking Words
, public hospitals and medicine are definitely from the
Government
Use synonyms
 to keep developing both
apply
Replace the word
applied
show examples
services
Use synonyms
 and quality from other supporting aspects. But, in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 still much in poor countries or developing countries not yet give more
health
Use synonyms
 education to the citizens so gives negative effects like inappropriate drug consumption. Not only that, in some areas still
gap
Correct article usage
a gap
show examples
 in
health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 are far away in villages but not in cities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, public
health
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 depends on
everyone
Use synonyms
 because it becomes an obligation to keep healthy. Every person can maintain
health
Use synonyms
 by keeping a diet. Not only that some people already consume carbohydrates, protein, minerals and vitamins but less exercise
also
Linking Words
 has a bad effect on
health
Use synonyms
.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, every person should attention to
health
Use synonyms
 conditions.
However
Linking Words
, citizens
also
Linking Words
 depend on the
Government
Use synonyms
 like get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good access and
services
Use synonyms
 so can
solving
Wrong verb form
solve
show examples
 problems about all
illnessess
Correct your spelling
illnesses
. In my opinion, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Government
Use synonyms
 and society have to
collaboration
Replace the word
collaborate
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as the
Government
Use synonyms
 giving good
services
Use synonyms
 and
everyone
Use synonyms
 keeping healthy.

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coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical structure of your paragraphs by combining related ideas and ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single point or a closely related set of points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and provides a closing thought.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, making your arguments more compelling and relatable.
task achievement
Work on expanding your ideas more comprehensively to give your essay better depth and demonstrate a stronger command of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical introduction that sets the stage for your discussion.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views as required by the prompt, showing that you understand the task at hand.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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