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Band 5.5

Nowadays many people chose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could the disadvantages of being self-employed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your knowledge or experience.

#people #work #company #organization #be #case
In
this
 contemporary society, many young generations prefer to be self-employed and pursue their entrepreneurship rather than working in one company or organization. In
this
 essay, I will examine
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 behind
this
 trend and address some drawbacks. There are numerous reasons that people prefer to start their own business. I widely believe that working in your company
offer
Change the verb form
offers
show examples
 multiple advantages
such
 as managing your
work
, setting flexible working
hours
 or deadlines, and working in your own environment. In
this
 case, freedom is a significant repercussion.
Therefore
, people can manage their working
hours
 depending on their conditions or can
work
 for many companies at the same
time
.
For instance
, designers working as freelancers can collaborate with various companies and have a chance to polish their creative skills and earn much more money than working for one organization.
This
 trend serves various benefits:
however
, it still has drawbacks.
Firstly
,
this
 trend seems likely to be at risk of having
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of self-discipline to set targets and achieve your goals in a particular period.
Additionally
, working
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
flexible
hours
 can lead to
distracting
Correct article usage
a distracting
show examples
work
-life balance because some people devote their
time
 and life to their
work
 without having a leisure or relaxing
time
. These
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 may cause
work
 and health problems
such
 as depression, lack of productivity and burnout syndrome. In conclusion, I firmly believe that pursuing entrepreneurship or self-employment has a various beneficial advantage, including freedom.
However
, it is essential to strike a balance between working
hours
 and leisure
time
 to manage
work
-life balance.
Submitted by bhavifasai on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, aim to develop your main points more fully. For example, expand on how flexible working hours could lead to better or worse productivity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to proofread your writing to correct minor grammatical issues for a smoother, more professional tone.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a good introduction and conclusion that help in structuring your essay well.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and gives relevant reasons and examples to support your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employed
  • company
  • organization
  • freedom
  • independence
  • income potential
  • flexibility
  • working hours
  • working location
  • passions
  • interests
  • decision-making
  • business practices
  • disadvantages
What to do next:
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