IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays many people chose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could the disadvantages of being self-employed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your knowledge or experience.

In
this
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 contemporary society, many young generations prefer to be self-employed and pursue their entrepreneurship rather than working in one company or organization. In
this
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 essay, I will examine
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
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 behind
this
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 trend and address some drawbacks. There are numerous reasons that people prefer to start their own business. I widely believe that working in your company
offer
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offers
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 multiple advantages
such
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 as managing your
work
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, setting flexible working
hours
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 or deadlines, and working in your own environment. In
this
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 case, freedom is a significant repercussion.
Therefore
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, people can manage their working
hours
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 depending on their conditions or can
work
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 for many companies at the same
time
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.
For instance
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, designers working as freelancers can collaborate with various companies and have a chance to polish their creative skills and earn much more money than working for one organization.
This
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 trend serves various benefits:
however
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, it still has drawbacks.
Firstly
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,
this
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 trend seems likely to be at risk of having
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of self-discipline to set targets and achieve your goals in a particular period.
Additionally
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, working
in
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apply
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flexible
hours
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 can lead to
distracting
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a distracting
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work
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-life balance because some people devote their
time
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 and life to their
work
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 without having a leisure or relaxing
time
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. These
behaviors
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behaviours
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 may cause
work
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 and health problems
such
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 as depression, lack of productivity and burnout syndrome. In conclusion, I firmly believe that pursuing entrepreneurship or self-employment has a various beneficial advantage, including freedom.
However
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, it is essential to strike a balance between working
hours
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 and leisure
time
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 to manage
work
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-life balance.

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, aim to develop your main points more fully. For example, expand on how flexible working hours could lead to better or worse productivity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to proofread your writing to correct minor grammatical issues for a smoother, more professional tone.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a good introduction and conclusion that help in structuring your essay well.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and gives relevant reasons and examples to support your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employed
  • company
  • organization
  • freedom
  • independence
  • income potential
  • flexibility
  • working hours
  • working location
  • passions
  • interests
  • decision-making
  • business practices
  • disadvantages
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