IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

Governments should ban dangerous sports. Others think that people should have the freedom to do any sport activity. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#governments #ban #sports #people #freedom #sport #activity
No doubt, these days sports
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 become an essential part of everyone's life. But it is often put forward by some people that
life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
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 sports should not be allowed by higher authorities
whereas
 opponents claim that sports activities should be selected based on the personal
interset
Correct your spelling
interest
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. I personally agree with the former idea
amd
Correct your spelling
and
 will going to explain
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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 the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand,
country
Add an article
the country
a country
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 should stop adding on risking games as it could lead to injuries, which in turn result
into
Change preposition
in
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increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in the burden on
heath
Correct your spelling
health
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 care systems.These games are not only harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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body
Correct article usage
the body
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 but
also
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 society. Many children get inspired by them with the help of social media and
then
 they start practicing these at home without any safety.
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relevant specific examples
The essay would benefit from more detailed development of both sides of the argument. Expand on why some believe dangerous sports should be banned, and why others argue for personal freedom. Include specific examples to strengthen the arguments.
logical structure
Ensure logical structure and cohesiveness in each paragraph. For example, explain more clearly why dangerous sports pose risks and how they affect society.
clear comprehensive ideas
Some grammatical errors and typos (e.g., "interset" instead of "interest", "amd" instead of "and") should be corrected to enhance clarity and professionalism.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument and states the writer's opinion.
complete response
The essay topic is clearly introduced.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health and safety
  • public resources
  • urgent medical treatment
  • guardians of public safety
  • undue harm
  • personal expression
  • economic benefits
  • tourism
  • employment opportunities
  • discipline
  • courage
  • resilience
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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