Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as improtant to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Art
courses consist
of painting and drawing, are as vital to a kid’s development as other projects, so it thought to be permitted in high institutions. I totally agree with Wrong verb form
consisting
this
statement because of talented art
.
First of all, artistic subjects include
painting and drawing can improve Wrong verb form
including
creativity
of Add an article
the creativity
students
. Moreover
, some students
were born and own a talent artistry
. They can be bad at logical projects but they are very good at Change preposition
in artistry
art
classes. Furthermore
, it is evident that painting may reduce stress or pressure after studious hours. Residents also
can draw a picture as a present for one’s birthday. In the present day, artist
is a well-paid and popular job for people who have professional skill Add an article
the artist
an artist
regard
artistry. Replace the word
regarding
As a consequence
, art
classes play a vital role in the mental life of students
. This
is the fact in Vietnam, there are many artistic universities employ
colleges Correct pronoun usage
that employ
who
are good at painting o drawing.
In terms of another point must be considered that logical subjects are the priority in high schools. They are Correct pronoun usage
that
main
factors in order to pass the national exams. Correct article usage
the main
Moreover
, students
need to achieve a
good Correct article usage
apply
qualification
so that look for a comfortable job. What is more, some parents believe that their children are wasting their time Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
into
unhelpful Change preposition
in
association
. Fix the agreement mistake
associations
Therefore
, there are many civil universities just had
only logical subjects Wrong verb form
have
such
as math, physic
, chemistry and foreign Fix the agreement mistake
physics
language
. Fix the agreement mistake
languages
In addition
, math
may contribute to Add an article
the math
develop
finance and other fields in Change the verb form
developing
country
. Add an article
the country
As a result
, some high schools recruit students
regard calculate
ability.
In conclusion, Replace the word
regarding calculating
it is clear that
art
classes may improve the
mental health and reduce stress. Correct article usage
apply
Thus
, I fully agree with this
statement.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific and detailed examples to support your points. For instance, when mentioning that art reduces stress, give a concrete example or study to back up your claim.
coherence cohesion
Improve your logical structure. Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your arguments flow logically from one to the next. Consider using more linking words and phrases such as 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' 'Moreover,' and 'Therefore.'
task achievement
Clarify your ideas further. Some points are a bit scattered; focusing on one main idea per paragraph will make your essay clearer and more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to increase the clarity of your writing. For example, 'arts' rather than 'artistry' when referring to the subject in general.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and provide a clear stance on the topic, which provides a strong framework for the essay.
task achievement
You have provided a range of arguments for why art is important and some points on why some people might disagree, which shows an attempt to address multiple perspectives.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example