IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing are as important to child's developmet as other subjecs, so it should be compulsory in highschool. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Presently, the topic of the role of
art
Use synonyms
 class is an important argument point. It is the opinion of
this
Linking Words
 writer that painting lessons should not be mandatory in high school as it is necessary for social life and the choice
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
career
Use synonyms
. It must be understood that both painting and drawing
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have not too many practical applications. Nowadays, society tends to digital technology to improve, and corporations are employing staff that are professional in those fields, so that it affects the lot on professional selection of each student.
As a result
Linking Words
,
art
Use synonyms
 has no contribution to
students
Use synonyms
' subjects, as there are few jobs for
students
Use synonyms
 who are choosing
art
Use synonyms
 as their
career
Use synonyms
 after they graduate.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
art
Use synonyms
 should be an optional
subject
Use synonyms
 as
students
Use synonyms
 can freely choose it or not to focus on their main domains to have wide options for their jobs. Another key component of the case for painting and drawing is the option of their
career
Use synonyms
. It should be self-evident that
art
Use synonyms
 does not have many choices in
career
Use synonyms
, especially in fields related to engineering and technology, which are the hottest picks
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the youth
generation
Change noun form
generation's
show examples
 new digital era.
Moreover
Linking Words
, pandemics nowadays
also
Linking Words
 have no demand for
art
Use synonyms
 as they want to experience new things rather than artistic value.
Consequently
Linking Words
, there are a lot of postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 who cannot find any jobs because there are few works for
art
Use synonyms
 degrees.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 should be careful when choosing
art
Use synonyms
 as a
subject
Use synonyms
 for study in higher education. In conclusion, it can be seen that
art
Use synonyms
 should not be a compulsory
subject
Use synonyms
 at school, because it is hard for
students
Use synonyms
 to choose their subjects to study and improve their abilities in each field.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
art
Use synonyms
 should be a non-compulsory
subject
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 to freely choose or not in their synthesis
subject
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
While the essay presents a clear stance on the issue, it would benefit from addressing counterarguments to show a more balanced view. Including additional specific examples and concrete benefits of making art an optional subject would strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the coherence by ensuring each paragraph flows logically from one to another. Linking words and phrases can help create smoother transitions between ideas. Also, consider breaking down complex sentences to avoid confusion.
coherence and cohesion
Incorporate varied sentence structures to improve the readability of the essay. Additionally, check for any grammatical errors, typos, or repeated phrases to ensure clarity. For example, 'do have not too many' should be 'do not have many' and 'affects the lot' should be 'affects a lot'.
introduction and conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.
supported main points
The main points are distinct and relevant to the topic, addressing the practicality and employment aspects related to art education.
clear comprehensive ideas
The argument presented is clear and consistent throughout, making the writer's stance easy to understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: