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Band 5

Students should pay the full cost of their own studies because university education benefits the individual rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #cost #studies #university #education #society
Some people assert that
school
fees
 should be paid by learners as an individual is prioritised by
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
 council rather than
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
. I wholeheartedly disagree with that statement
due to
 several reasons. First and foremost, the cost of an adequate learning course could be a burden for students and their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 who don’t have a good background. Because their biological mom and dad have to face the harshness of earning money in society, offspring may consider themselves as a family’s financial issue if they lose the test in educational institutes, resulting in the hopeless and unapparent future they may face.
For instance
, many descendants who got lost in the tests in Vietnam have
suicided
Replace the word
suicide
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 in recent years since their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 got into financial trouble
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Secondly
, the dissatisfaction
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the methods they are taught in university could be a point for the opponents.
Such
 an issue might arise from the fact that many colleges demonstrate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old-fashioned and useless knowledge to their schoolers, which could
consequently
 be associated with a waste of the investment. A simple example is an economic institute has to get critical feedback since they put their youngsters in a lack-of-experience environment and
thus
, they are forced to refund
school
fees
. Notwithstanding, it is true that many nations do not really flourish in finance,
hence
 the necessity of imposing the educational charging scheme. Yet it just can happen in the short term so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
announcing an alternative policy about paying
school
fees
 should be done by politicians. In conclusion, the argument is that educational institutes should let youngsters pay
school
fees
 because of the priority of the
person’
Change noun form
person’s
show examples
 benefits rather than the society's. I am firmly
an opponent
Correct word choice
opposed
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 that assertion
due to
 the high cost and the inappropriate results.
Submitted by alicema0503 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve clarity and coherence, try using more transitional phrases and ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
task achievement
Make sure your main points are well-supported with relevant, specific examples and explanations.
task achievement
Work on mastering complex sentence structures and reducing minor grammatical errors to improve readability.
task achievement
The essay clearly disagrees with the statement and provides reasons for the disagreement.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly restates the writer's position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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