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Band 3.5

The rise of convince food has helped people keep up with the speed of modern lifestyle. What are the advantages of this trend? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#rise #food #people #lifestyle #trend
In the
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
 days, the increase of fast
food
 or canning
food
 can tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
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the hustle and bustle
lifstyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
due to
 its facility. The
witer
Correct your spelling
writer
water
winter
 of
this
 essay asserts that the drawbacks of
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
food
 can
attribute
Verb problem
contribute
show examples
 to the obesity of
consumpers
Correct your spelling
consumers
 outweigh the saving
time
 . The most
disadvantageuos
Correct your spelling
disadvantage
 factor that the
convince
Correct your spelling
convenience
show examples
food
 can cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
corpulence for users. To be more specific, fast
food
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
highly
Replace the word
higher
show examples
cholesteron
Correct your spelling
cholesterol
cholesterin
 rates than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
type
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types
show examples
 of foods which
direcly
Correct your spelling
directly
 affects
to
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apply
show examples
the cardiovascular.
Moreover
, these
food
 types do not
invole
Correct your spelling
involve
 any
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
nutriotions
Correct your spelling
nutrition
nutritious
nutritions
 for the body to absorb.
As a consequence
, people will be overweight and can have some problems
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 heart disease. Take
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 as a prime example, the number of
obesity
Replace the word
obese
show examples
 people
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 higher
anually
Correct your spelling
annually
due to
 the rise in
Correct article usage
the consumpming
show examples
consumpming
Correct your spelling
consumption
 of fast
food
.
However
, some individuals can optimize their
time
. To explain more, these people
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that they can
ultilize
Correct your spelling
utilise
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 reasonable
time
 to analyse their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,
such
 as meeting their cooperators.
This
 may be true in some cases but the canning
food
 or fast
food
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not provide enough energy to these workers.
Moreover
, some individuals can be allergic to the
ingridients
Correct your spelling
ingredients
 in these types of
food
. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
productivity can not be achieved and
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to the down turn
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 profits. In conclusion,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
type of
food
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
attribute
Verb problem
contribute
show examples
 to the obesity of
Correct your spelling
consumers
consumpers
Correct your spelling
consumers
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 the saving
time
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but they are somewhat brief and not entirely cohesive with the body paragraphs. Consider expanding both the introduction and conclusion to present a more rounded argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement. The main ideas are present, but they are not fully developed and supported. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that examples are relevant and enhance the argument.
task achievement
While the main points are clear, the essay lacks depth in argumentation. Provide more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your points. This will help in making your argument more comprehensive and convincing.
task achievement
The essay should address both the advantages and disadvantages of convenience food in a balanced manner. Here, the disadvantages are emphasized more than the advantages, leading to a somewhat skewed response. Ensure both sides are explored adequately before concluding which side outweighs the other.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both advantages and disadvantages of convenience food, which is relevant to the task.
task achievement
The conclusion does reiterate the main argument, thereby providing a solid end point to the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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