Some people think that sports involving violence such as boxing and martial arts should be banned from TV as well as from international sports competition. what is your opinion?

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There is no doubt that these
dayes
Correct your spelling
days
sports
became
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have become
show examples
more popular than ever,and can be seen
from
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apply
show examples
every where specially kids and
children's
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children
show examples
.on
tv
or social
medie
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media
,network and even in a life
ground
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grounds
show examples
like schools l or after schools
club
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clubs
show examples
. In terms of the ability
of
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to
show examples
reaching
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
sports
in
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on
show examples
tv
Add a comma
tv,
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it's more
danger
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dangerous
show examples
to kids
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
because it could be effective for them and can lead to reacting
those
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to those
show examples
movment
Correct your spelling
movements
without realizing it could be
harm
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harmful
show examples
for
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to
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theme
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
and cause a
serous
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serious
show examples
long term
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long-term
show examples
damge
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damage
.
However
, we cannot
banned
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ban
show examples
it from
tv
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TV
show examples
or
socile
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social
media's
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media
show examples
channel
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channels
show examples
because there is another society in the universe
who
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that
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can release it has a different view and can
knows
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know
show examples
the
harm
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harmful
show examples
moves from the
unharm
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unharmed
moves. In my opinion,
thers
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there
is no need to
banned
Wrong verb form
ban
show examples
violencr
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violence
sports or martial arts from
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
,
instead
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instead,
show examples
we should put
a
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an
show examples
age line on the same
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
channel and
warning
Wrong verb form
warn
show examples
them about the dangers
in
Correct your spelling
of TB
this
tb
program
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programs
show examples
and kids
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
bannding
Correct your spelling
banning
banding
from watching it because it's not suitable and parents should be aware of the warning and be carefully for what
shoing
Correct your spelling
showing
on the
tv
.
Submitted by anhar55255 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the main points of the prompt, but it could be improved by providing more detailed arguments and specific examples to support your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Try to develop your ideas more clearly and make sure each paragraph focuses on a single point. This will help your essay to be more organized and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammar, as there are several errors that might confuse the reader. Proofreading your essay before submission can help you catch these mistakes.
task achievement
You clearly express your opinion about the topic and provide a balanced view of arguments both for and against banning violent sports from TV.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Violent sports
  • Boxing
  • Martial arts
  • International sports competition
  • Cultural tradition
  • Economic impact
  • Revenue
  • Freedom of viewership
  • Safety regulations
  • Desensitization
  • Negative role modeling
  • Physical benefits
  • Discipline
  • Self-defense
  • Fitness
  • Permissible violence
  • Media influence
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