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Band 5

Young people’s ideas and attitudes are different from those of their parents and grandparents. What are the differences? What problems may be caused?

#people’s #attitudes #parents #grandparents #differences
Young people are at the age
that is
 ready to explore the world and want to find experience by themselves,
thus
 they always neglect their parents' or grandparents' suggestions. In
this
 essay,
both
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
differences
 between the two generations (young and adults) and
effects
Correct pronoun usage
their effects
show examples
 will be outlined before reaching a conclusion.
To begin
 with, it is undeniable that there are a number of
differences
 between the younger and the older generations, and one of the noticeable aspects is perspectives. To elaborate
further
, children have no experience compared to what their parents have,
as a result
, they lean
forwards
Replace the word
forward
show examples
 to
try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
new things
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their lives.
On the contrary
, parents and elderly people who have a lot of experience and knowledge want to make sure their youngsters stay
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
, avoiding
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bad things
such
 as drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc.
For instance
, a boy
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to hang out with their friends, who have fallen into the habit of smoking and drinking.
Hence
, his mother, who
understand
Correct subject-verb agreement
understands
show examples
 that it will bring numerous downsides to the kids, stops her offspring
to go
Change preposition
from going
show examples
 outside.
Additionally
, the
differences
 between children's and adults' ideas and attitudes
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
 several issues to their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, and the most crucial one is family
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. What
this
 means is it may cause aggressive conflict, argument and violence in
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
.
Furthermore
, bonding between members of
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
 will
further
 widen.
For example
, after the boy
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 a detention because his mother knows that he will definitely go outside to drink and smoke. He
then
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 angry and furious and hits his mom
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 a cane.
Therefore
,
this
 action triggers the mother to cut the relationship with him,
as well as
, his father do not talk to him since
then
.
Overall
, it is a fact that there are many
differences
 between the seniors' and juniors' ideas and attitudes
such
 as the perspective of the world which in turn causes problems in their families.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
Ensure that each point is fully developed with clear and detailed explanations. Some parts of the essay feel underdeveloped. Provide more specific examples and elaborate on your points to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on transition words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help guide the reader through your arguments smoothly and make your essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation to make your ideas clearer. Minor errors can sometimes distract from the main message.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in organizing the ideas effectively.
task achievement
The main points are relevant to the topic and address both the differences between generations and the problems these differences can cause.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Job satisfaction
  • Work-life balance
  • Job security
  • Tech-savvy
  • Digital communication
  • Face-to-face interactions
  • Flexible learning environments
  • Sustainable practices
  • Progressive social issues
  • Gender equality
  • LGBTQ+ rights
  • Conservative views
What to do next:
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