IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, more and more adults are living with their parents after graduating from college , University or even after finding a job. Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

#countries #adults #parents #college #university #job #outweigh
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, more and more house rent fees have been raised.
For
this
 reason,
individuals
 tend to live with their
parents
 in some countries. I think that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. There are some benefits if
people
 live with their
parents
. First of all,
individuals
 can save more
money
 than
people
 who live alone.
This
 is because
people
 do not need to spend
money
 on rent fees or utility fees.
Moreover
,
people
 can enjoy their life more without any stress from using
money
.
Besides
, it is very hard to keep in touch with
parents
 frequently because of the hard work for their livelihood in contemporary society.
While
 if
individuals
 live with their
parents
, they can get plenty of time with their family like eating dinner together and talking to each other. It is more important to have a relationship with their
parents
 than other things. Meanwhile, we do not miss it can bring about some disadvantages. If some
people
 who already have a job or graduated from college live with their
parents
,
individuals
 might miss the opportunity to learn about independence. Generally, when
people
 live alone, they can learn realistic life.
This
 is because when
people
 have a problem at home, they should deal with the problem by themselves.
Individuals
 can learn how to survive themself automatically. Plus, adults who live with their
parents
, since their
parents
 still sort out problems on their behalf, do not have a well-developed sense of independence and responsibility. In conclusion, modern
people
 can get financial
burden
Fix the agreement mistake
burdens
show examples
 more easily than in the past.
Although
people
 who live alone can enjoy their free time without any nags from their
parents
,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
they can save more
money
 when they live with their
parents
. It makes
people
can get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
less
stress
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
.
However
, for their
responsibility
Add a comma
responsibility,
show examples
 the
parents
 should teach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them about it.
Submitted by gnlwnww on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure you have a clear introduction that paraphrases the question and outlines the argument. Your conclusion should restate your position summarising key points. Aim for a more distinct separation between the introduction, body and conclusion.
Coherence
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow of your essay. Aim to clearly delineate paragraphs and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
Cohesion
Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that indicates what the paragraph will be about. Further develop your supporting points with more detailed examples and explanations.
Task Response
Be sure to address both advantages and disadvantages equally to fully respond to the prompts. Develop your argument with specific examples instead of general statements to strengthen your task achievement score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: