IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

As well as making money, businesses also have a responsibility towards society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that
business
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 is not only about how to make money, it should have
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impact
Add an article
an impact
the impact
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 objective of the
business
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 is to create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
profit as much as possible and
businesses
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 cannot burden
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
society
Change noun form
society's
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responsibility
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 because it is the
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
 of the
government
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. The success parameter of any
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businesses
Fix the agreement mistake
business
show examples
 is related to how much profit can be achieved. Not all
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 can
give
Verb problem
have
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positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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impact
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to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the social community and it is the
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
 of the
government
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 to
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
impact
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toward
Change preposition
on
show examples
society
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 through the
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 they
made
Wrong verb form
make
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.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 In
Indonesia
Add a comma
Indonesia,
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 the
cigaret
Correct your spelling
cigarette
business
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 has
more
Add an article
a more
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 negative
impact
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to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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 but
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their stock value
always
Add a missing verb
is always
show examples
 higher compared to other
businesses
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. Every
business
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 activity already pays tax to the
government
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, and it is the
responsibility
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 of the
government
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 to allocate the tax to the programs that have a social
impact
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 on the people because the
government
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 has a duty to improve the welfare of their people.
For instance
Linking Words
, Indonesia has a minister called
Ministry
Correct article usage
the Ministry
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 of Social Affairs who has the
responsibility
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 to distribute the funds from the state to help the
society
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 to increase their standard of living. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businesses
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shall
Verb problem
should
show examples
 not required to have a
responsibility
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 towards
society
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 because the main purpose of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businesses
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 is to create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
profit as
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as possible in order to make their
businesses
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can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
run well and it
shall
Verb problem
is
show examples
 the main
responsibility
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 of the
government
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 to take
this
Linking Words
 kind of
this
Linking Words
responsibility
Use synonyms
.

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the introduction could better outline the contents of your essay.
supported main points
Ensure that your main points are supported with relevant and specific examples. The example mentioned about cigarette businesses in Indonesia could be more detailed.
clear comprehensive ideas
You presented clear and relevant arguments, but consider elaborating on them further to add depth to your essay. More examples and explanations will make your points stronger.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay covers both an introduction and a conclusion which clearly states your viewpoint.
logical structure
The main argument that businesses' primary objective is profit is consistently maintained throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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