IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

As well as making money, businesses also have a responsibility towards society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #businesses #responsibility #society
Some people believe that
business
 is not only about how to make money, it should have
impact
Add an article
an impact
the impact
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. I disagree with
this
 statement because
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 objective of the
business
 is to create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
profit as much as possible and
businesses
 cannot burden
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
responsibility
 because it is the
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
 of the
government
. The success parameter of any
businesses
Fix the agreement mistake
business
show examples
 is related to how much profit can be achieved. Not all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 can
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the social community and it is the
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
 of the
government
 to
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
impact
toward
Change preposition
on
show examples
society
 through the
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 they
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 In
Indonesia
Add a comma
Indonesia,
show examples
 the
cigaret
Correct your spelling
cigarette
business
 has
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 negative
impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 but
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their stock value
always
Add a missing verb
is always
show examples
 higher compared to other
businesses
. Every
business
 activity already pays tax to the
government
, and it is the
responsibility
 of the
government
 to allocate the tax to the programs that have a social
impact
 on the people because the
government
 has a duty to improve the welfare of their people.
For instance
, Indonesia has a minister called
Ministry
Correct article usage
the Ministry
show examples
 of Social Affairs who has the
responsibility
 to distribute the funds from the state to help the
society
 to increase their standard of living. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businesses
shall
Verb problem
should
show examples
 not required to have a
responsibility
 towards
society
 because the main purpose of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businesses
 is to create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
profit as
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as possible in order to make their
businesses
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
run well and it
shall
Verb problem
is
show examples
 the main
responsibility
 of the
government
 to take
this
 kind of
this
responsibility
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the introduction could better outline the contents of your essay.
supported main points
Ensure that your main points are supported with relevant and specific examples. The example mentioned about cigarette businesses in Indonesia could be more detailed.
clear comprehensive ideas
You presented clear and relevant arguments, but consider elaborating on them further to add depth to your essay. More examples and explanations will make your points stronger.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay covers both an introduction and a conclusion which clearly states your viewpoint.
logical structure
The main argument that businesses' primary objective is profit is consistently maintained throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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