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Band 5.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests
There is a trend these days for organizations to get a detailed account from employees regarding their personal life including marital status and leisure time activities.Some folks think that
such
 information has nothing to do with the job requirements and may be exploited in a negative way
while
 others believe that
this
 is important for better management and
also
 for the provision of a friendly
work
 environment.
This
 essay will discuss both views and give my opinion that it is essential for employers to know the personal details before designating assignments in order to cater for
requirements
Correct article usage
the requirements
show examples
 of the subordinates. On the one hand, there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 sharing private details with the human resource department of a company.
Firstly
, it makes a person vulnerable to exploitation by unknown personalities.To illustrate, some owners might harass the single females working under their supervision.Those poor ladies may be blackmailed for the sake of career progression.In Lahore,
for instance
, a mobile company manager was arrested on the charges of sexual harassment of junior unmarried colleagues
last
 year.He used the profile cards of the victims to force them for illegal
favors
Change the spelling
favours
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the intimate data of an individual is valuable for better output because it helps identify
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 man for the right job.
For example
, a married person needs time to spend with his family, so his
work
 assignments should not bother his private life.
Similarly
, a gym-lover should be given time and space for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical activity at
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
.These
priviliges
Correct your spelling
privileges
 can only be provided if the authorities know of the prior commitments of an employee.
Moreover
, it
also
 enables the management to
assisst
Correct your spelling
assist
assess
the employer's family demands.To give an example, my boss always
send
Correct subject-verb agreement
sends
show examples
 me gifts and extra salary on my birthdays and wedding anniversaries
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
boost
Wrong verb form
boosting
show examples
 my stamina to
work
 with more zeal and zest in my office. In conclusion,
although
 there are some demerits of asking for extra information from the job aspirants including workplace
harrassment
Correct your spelling
harassment
, I think that utilization of
such
 data to look after
needs
Correct article usage
the needs
show examples
 of an employee has a hugely positive impact on the worker's morale.
Submitted by alishah2294 on

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coherence cohesion
Pay attention to basic punctuation rules to ensure clarity and correctness. Avoid run-on sentences by using proper conjunctions or separating clauses appropriately.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced approach by offering counterarguments before presenting your own opinion. This will help in showcasing a complete understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples to support main points, which strengthens the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clearly presented and contribute to a coherent structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
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