IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Art classes, such as painting or drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?

#art #classes #children’s #development #subjects #school
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Many people believe that
art
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classes
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 should be mandatory for all
children
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 in
schools
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.
However
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, I disagree with
this
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 viewpoint and believe that
children
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 should have the choice to decide whether to take
art
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classes
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 or not. A lot of
children
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 develop a sense of
art
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 at a young
age
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, and the truth is a lot of
parents
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 and
schools
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 do not pay attention to that aspect.
Therefore
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, it is crucial for
parents
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 and
teachers
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 to notice that and guide
children
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 to ensure their preferences.
For example
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, when a child starts drawing or painting at a young
age
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 it means they have a talent that needs to be
further
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 developed. Provided with the right tools,
teachers
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, and
classes
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,
children
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 will be able to develop their
skills
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 and turn their hobbies into talents that they may pursue as a career in the future. Many
children
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 develop an interest in
art
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 at a young
age
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, but
parents
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 and
schools
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 often overlook
this
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 aspect.
Therefore
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, it is crucial for
parents
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 and
teachers
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 to recognize and nurture
children
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's artistic preferences.
For example
Linking Words
, when a child starts drawing or painting at a young
age
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, it indicates a talent that needs
further
Linking Words
 development. With the right tools,
teachers
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, and
classes
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,
children
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 can develop their
skills
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 and potentially pursue
art
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 as a career in the future.
Conversely
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, many young people do not have an interest in
art
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. Forcing them to take
art
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classes
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 would not be beneficial.
Schools
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 should offer
art
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 as an optional class rather than a compulsory one.
For instance
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, my school offered a wide range of elective
classes
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, and I chose a cooking class over an
art
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 class.
This
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 choice allowed me to develop
skills
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 in an area I enjoyed and found useful. In summary,
while
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 there are clear benefits to offering
art
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classes
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, making them compulsory is not the best approach. Allowing
children
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 to choose their
classes
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 can lead to a more diverse set of
skills
Use synonyms
 and talents, ensuring that they pursue what truly interests them.
Submitted by norahhamad98 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument without redundancy. The essay contains repetitive sentences, so aim for more variety in expressing similar ideas.
task achievement
Expand on opposing perspectives to strengthen your argument. For instance, discuss possible advantages of making art classes mandatory, even if you disagree, to show a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate more transitional phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas, ensuring a smoother reading experience for your audience.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and maintains this position throughout, which helps in achieving a coherent argument.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as personal anecdotes, which make the argument more relatable and tangible.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer's stance, providing a strong ending to the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive skills
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Mental well-being
  • Creativity and innovation
  • Cultural awareness
  • Global citizenship
  • Tolerance
  • Enhanced academic performance
  • Focus
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Mathematical abilities
  • Stress relief
  • Personal development
  • Self-discipline
  • Perseverance
  • Confidence
  • Teamwork
  • Collaboration
What to do next:
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