IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Essay topics: Many people prefer to spend money and not save it. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or negative development?

These days,
people
Use synonyms
's expenditures are increased
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social circumstances.
Instead
Linking Words
 of
save
Change the verb form
saving
show examples
 money for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future goals, they are spending
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
short-terms
Correct your spelling
short-term
show examples
enjoyments
Fix the agreement mistake
enjoyment
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 negative development impacted
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans
due to
Linking Words
 lack of
self-awarness
Correct your spelling
self-awareness
 or
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 by not knowing the importance
financial
Change preposition
of financial
show examples
stratagies
Correct your spelling
strategies
.
This
Linking Words
eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
easy
explore's
Change noun form
explores
show examples
 the main causes for
this
Linking Words
 type of development in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Most of the
people
Use synonyms
earns
Change the verb form
earn
show examples
 money by the source of a job or a business.
However
Linking Words
, very few individuals have
a plans
Correct the article-noun agreement
plans
a plan
show examples
 on their financial budgets for a month or year purpose. Based on their life
ambititons
Correct your spelling
ambitions
they
are compromise
Change the verb form
are compromised
are compromising
show examples
 to invest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their-self in some situations.
For instance
Linking Words
, a job holder may
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dream
to start
Change preposition
of starting
show examples
 a small business, in the way
businessman
Correct article usage
a businessman
show examples
 may
had
Change the verb form
have
show examples
Correct article usage
a big-target
show examples
big-target
Correct your spelling
big target
show examples
 to develop his or her company. So, very few persons
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 knowledge and implementations about their expenses.
Due to
Linking Words
 the unawareness of
financies
Correct your spelling
finances
financiers
 or
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 because of inappropriate goals most
people
Use synonyms
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 or
investing
Wrong verb form
invest
show examples
 in unwanted things at
uncommon
Add an article
the uncommon
show examples
stage
Fix the agreement mistake
stages
show examples
 and
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 for funds in emergency
timings
Replace the word
times
show examples
. There are several reasons for
this
Linking Words
 trend
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 like coping others life style is
also
Linking Words
 included for
this
Linking Words
developemnt
Correct your spelling
development
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these days almost every private or public
banks
Change to a singular noun
bank
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 providing credit cards.
Thus
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 have access to buy luxury items and pay later with interest or service charges.
This
Linking Words
 system allows
people
Use synonyms
 to spend limit less and not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
save anymore,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 impact on their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 in the future.
Inconclusion
Correct your spelling
In conclusion
show examples
, individuals
self
Change noun form
'
show examples
enjoyment
Correct your spelling
self-enjoyment
show examples
 is important, but
also
Linking Words
, they should
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
 of
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 stabilities and conditions of
family
Correct pronoun usage
their family
show examples
 and act
accordingly
Linking Words
.
Otherwise
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 may lead to
huge
Add an article
a huge
the huge
show examples
 negative impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society in
manyways
Correct your spelling
many ways
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve your score, make sure your essay provides a clear and specific response to all parts of the question. Discuss reasons for the trend you mentioned and evaluate whether it is positive or negative in a balanced manner.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more logically by creating a clear structure. Each paragraph should have a single main idea, supported by relevant explanations and examples. Use topic sentences to guide the reader through your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should outline the main points you will discuss, and the conclusion should summarize your arguments and restate your opinion.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task quite well and provides some relevant points and examples.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which helps to frame your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your writing shows effort in connecting ideas and maintaining a flow throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: