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Band 5

For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #reason #work #money
It has been
arrgued
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argued
thatnpeople
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that people
wworrk
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work
 hard for no other
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 than
money
. Despite the fact that
money
 plays a crucial role in their motivation, the writer of
this
 essay agrees with
this
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
 because of some reasons.
On
Correct your spelling
One
show examples
 of the reasons why many
people
 cite
money
 as the predominant factor behind working hard is
due to
 the financial necessities. It is true to say that every person
need
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needs
show examples
 to meet
up
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apply
show examples
their basic necessities
such
 as buying clothes and food, paying for education and medication or serving hobbies.
However
, by facing
with
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apply
show examples
inflation which is more and more
popular
Correct word choice
prevalent
show examples
 in most
of
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apply
show examples
countries
Add an article
the countries
show examples
cause
Wrong verb form
causing
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
rising
Replace the word
rise
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 of
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 goods and services,
people
 have to work hard to earn more
money
 to pay for their
demanding
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
show examples
. Because of
this
 reason, I believe that it is normal when
money
 becomes a priority in working. Another thing to consider is the expectation of society which means
people
's success
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 from financial
achivement
Correct your spelling
achievement
.
This
 can be explained that in many cultures,
of
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
 someone has
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
the enormous
show examples
 source of income, they
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 receive social
recoginition
Correct your spelling
recognition
 in order to have special
treament
Correct your spelling
treatment
 from communities
also
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and also
show examples
 the living standard.
Thus
, earning
money
 is considered an important factor regarding to
individuas's
Correct your spelling
individual's
 social status. Earning
money
 means that the more
Correct your spelling
money
moeny
Correct your spelling
money
 you can earn the more rewards society
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may
Correct your spelling
receive
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
, and
this
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
Change noun form
people's
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
Correct your spelling
motivation
motivaion
Correct your spelling
motivation
for working
Change preposition
to work
show examples
 hard. In conclusion, it cannot be deniable that
money
 is one of the main elements which causes hard work of
people
, whether to respone citizens's basic necessities and the
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
 of
socitey
Correct your spelling
society
. Because of
this
 reason, I strongly agree that
money
 makes
people
 work hard.

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language accuracy
Revise spelling and grammar to avoid small errors that can reduce clarity, such as 'arrgued' and 'wworrk'.
development
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific costs or types of expenses.
style
Improve sentence variety and reduce repetition to make the essay more engaging.
structure
Clarify complex sentences to ensure they are easily understood. Simplifying sentence structures can help convey ideas more effectively.
structure
The essay is structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence
The central argument is consistently supported throughout the essay.
logic
There is effective use of cause-and-effect reasoning to link hard work with the desire to earn money.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
What to do next:
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