IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It has been
arrgued
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argued
thatnpeople
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that people
wworrk
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work
 hard for no other
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 than
money
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. Despite the fact that
money
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 plays a crucial role in their motivation, the writer of
this
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 essay agrees with
this
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statment
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statement
 because of some reasons.
On
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One
show examples
 of the reasons why many
people
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 cite
money
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 as the predominant factor behind working hard is
due to
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 the financial necessities. It is true to say that every person
need
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needs
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 to meet
up
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apply
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their basic necessities
such
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 as buying clothes and food, paying for education and medication or serving hobbies.
However
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, by facing
with
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apply
show examples
inflation which is more and more
popular
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prevalent
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 in most
of
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apply
show examples
countries
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the countries
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cause
Wrong verb form
causing
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the
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of the
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rising
Replace the word
rise
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 of
price
Correct article usage
the price
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in
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of
show examples
 goods and services,
people
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 have to work hard to earn more
money
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 to pay for their
demanding
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demands
show examples
. Because of
this
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 reason, I believe that it is normal when
money
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 becomes a priority in working. Another thing to consider is the expectation of society which means
people
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's success
come
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comes
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 from financial
achivement
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achievement
.
This
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 can be explained that in many cultures,
of
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if
show examples
 someone has
enormous
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an enormous
the enormous
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 source of income, they
wil
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will
 receive social
recoginition
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recognition
 in order to have special
treament
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treatment
 from communities
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also
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and also
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 the living standard.
Thus
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, earning
money
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 is considered an important factor regarding to
individuas's
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individual's
 social status. Earning
money
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 means that the more
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money
moeny
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money
 you can earn the more rewards society
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may
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receive
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
, and
this
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lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
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Change noun form
people's
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
Correct your spelling
motivation
motivaion
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motivation
for working
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to work
show examples
 hard. In conclusion, it cannot be deniable that
money
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 is one of the main elements which causes hard work of
people
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, whether to respone citizens's basic necessities and the
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
 of
socitey
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society
. Because of
this
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 reason, I strongly agree that
money
Use synonyms
 makes
people
Use synonyms
 work hard.

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language accuracy
Revise spelling and grammar to avoid small errors that can reduce clarity, such as 'arrgued' and 'wworrk'.
development
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific costs or types of expenses.
style
Improve sentence variety and reduce repetition to make the essay more engaging.
structure
Clarify complex sentences to ensure they are easily understood. Simplifying sentence structures can help convey ideas more effectively.
structure
The essay is structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence
The central argument is consistently supported throughout the essay.
logic
There is effective use of cause-and-effect reasoning to link hard work with the desire to earn money.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
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