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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Research says more and more business training and meetings take place online. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#research #business #meetings #place
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Studies demonstrate that many businesses are adopting online methods to
work
Use synonyms
 so far. Needs to consider that there are advantages and disadvantages. Personally, I believe that there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 the same amount of both. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will explain why and I will support my thought with examples. Nowadays many companies have started to
work
Use synonyms
 from home, which means the employees are working from their own house.
However
Linking Words
, there are different negative aspects,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
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 if the wifi connection doesn't
work
Use synonyms
 well during a meeting, it could be possible to have delayed feedback. Another example could be the slow interaction with other colleagues, which means finishing
work
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 is going to bring us more time.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 from home gives people advantages. Many individuals can save much more money and time if they
work
Use synonyms
 online. There are several
beneficials
Correct your spelling
benefits
 if people are able to
work
Use synonyms
 from home.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 employees can not move vehicles from their garage,
thus
Linking Words
 do not spend on fuel or highway.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 the possibility
to spend
Change preposition
of spending
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 more time keeping their own house clean, especially if people have to live and
work
Use synonyms
 in the same place is a good advantage. In conclusion, a lot of businesses are introducing online
modality
Fix the agreement mistake
modalities
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 and
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 do not outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
. As far as I am concerned, there are the same quantity of benefits and negative aspects.
Submitted by bucciarellianna3 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view, which is good. However, your thesis statement could be clearer. Try to explicitly state whether you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or if they are equal. This can make your position clearer to the reader.
task achievement
Some of your arguments could be more elaborated. For example, the point about delayed feedback due to poor wifi could discuss how it might impact business decisions and productivity. More details and specificity can strengthen your argumentation.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with grammar and phrasing. There are a few awkward sentences that slightly confuse the reader. For example, 'Many individuals can save much more money and time if they work online' reads better as 'Many individuals can save both money and time by working online.'
coherence cohesion
Transitions between ideas could be smoother. Words like 'However,' 'On the other hand,' and 'Similarly' can help connect your ideas more seamlessly. Try to ensure each point flows logically to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in maintaining clarity and ease of understanding.
task achievement
You provide specific examples, which help support your points. For instance, mentioning fuel savings or the problem of wifi connectivity gives the reader concrete scenarios to consider.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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