You recently travelled by train on a long journey and you experienced various problems. Write a letter to the train company's head office. In your letter, - Give the details of your journey, including the date, time and where you sat - explain the problems that happened and express your dissatisfaction - ask about what action will be taken to improve the service

#train #journey #company #head #office #date #time #dissatisfaction #action #service

Dear manager hope you find

this

letter in spirit and good radiant ,I have been travelling with the train in the next week,

hence

,I am writing

this

letter to explain some problems ,I have started the journey with my husband for honeymoon,

in addition

,we start the trip from Berlin to Paris,I have chosen

this

way because we want to enjoy the trip and see the road ,

such

as beautiful jungles ,rivers ,

besides

, I have chosen the summer season for seeing green colourful of the nature,

finally

when we will arrive we want to see many famous places,

for instance

:Louver museum,Eifel tower and etc. As you know about Paris,it's a big city with many tourists ,

also

,they can see the rate of robbery, and loss of many things

such

as passports,money,and important and valuable things ,

consequently

,I appreciate you ,if it is possible you have given

Change the article

show examples

unique and single room in the train for me and husband ,in more details a room

that is

more convenient and comfortable.

Finally

,I am ready to pay more money to have a complete room,I am waiting for your answer to the letter and if you have any questions about anything please do not hesitate . yours sincerely , Pardis Ghobadi

Submitted by pardisghobadi on Sat Sep 28 2024

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task achievement

While you included many details about your travel plans, you didn't clearly explain the problems you encountered during the journey. Be sure to address each part of the prompt in your response.

coherence cohesion

Try to organize your ideas better by separating different points into distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should convey a single main idea or aspect of your experience for better clarity.

task achievement

Maintain a consistent tone throughout the letter. Your request for a single room feels out of place in a letter about encountering problems during a journey. Make sure the tone fits the context appropriately.

greeting and closing

Good attempt at starting the letter with a greeting and closing it appropriately.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

201 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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