IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that Art gives our lives meaning and purpose. Others believe that it is merely a distraction from real life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Art
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 is everywhere in the world but often it is a cause of
a
Correct article usage
apply
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division among
people
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. There are two primary schools of thought, there are
people
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 who believe that
art
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 is essential in our society and
on the contrary
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 there are other
people
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 who claim the reverse.
This
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 means, for them,
art
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 is just a distraction from more important problems. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will explain both points of view. Many
people
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 are against the belief that
art
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 is important for the population.
However
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,
this
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 school of thought has different reasons to say that
art
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 is not essential. They believe that it is better to think and better to spend public money on other things
such
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 as country problems.
For example
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, money can be used to help poor
people
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 or for hospital maintenance rather than pay for extra cleaning of a museum. Certainly, these problems are not comparable but it makes clear the main difference between the two points of view.
On the other hand
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, there are many
people
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 who claim that
Art
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 is necessary to develop a country better
thana
Correct your spelling
than
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 can do.
Art
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 is beauty, and beauty needs to be taught at school in order to improve society in terms of historical knowledge. History can teach a lot of things to
people
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.
For instance
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, the government in Italy , where I live, decided to put a lot of funds
in
Change preposition
into
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art
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 education because in
this
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 country, not only is it fundamental to study
art
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 in order to respect it, but
also
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 to appreciate it. In conclusion,
Art
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 exists and we have to celebrate it. The future is built day by day thanks to the past, so it is important for young
people
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 to study every shape of
Art
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, but mainly important that children have to grow up with
such
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 values. As far as I am concerned,
Art
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 is too important to not give her most of the attention

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task response
To achieve a higher band score, provide more specific examples and further develop your ideas. For instance, expand on how art has contributed to societal changes or individual well-being.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and distinct main idea. Sometimes, your arguments get a little blended together, making it hard to follow the central point of each paragraph. Try to make clear links between points to improve logical structure.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which outline the main points effectively.
task response
You address both perspectives on the topic, which demonstrates an understanding of the task requirements.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • aesthetic
  • cathartic
  • cultural tapestry
  • expressionism
  • fleeting
  • introspection
  • monetary value
  • nostalgia
  • profound impact
  • socioeconomic
  • subjective perspective
  • visceral response
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