Some countries have laws that prohibit animals being used in circuses or in other form of entertainment because it is cruel to keep animals in an environment that can cause them stress.
In
this
world of flora and fauna
there are some countries where using Add a comma
fauna,
animals
to entertain people are
not allowed because it leads to stressCorrect subject-verb agreement
is
them
. It will be highly right position if all nations will instil Correct pronoun usage
apply
such
laws as protecting animals
from involving them in funny events because they are in an
uncomfortable conditions to live and get wrong behaviour toward them.
Being adapted Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
in
nature both domestic and wild Change preposition
to
animals
feel terrible in close spaces. Participation in circus performances do
not Change the verb form
does
allowed
them to be as Change the verb form
allow
freedom
as other free creatures. As an example, Replace the word
free
according to
Correct article usage
the national
national geographic
Correct your spelling
National Geographic
channel
there Add a comma
channel,
is
more Correct subject-verb agreement
are
death
of fauna annually Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
due to
detrimental situations in entertainment centres rather than naturally
Change the word
natural
dies in
Verb problem
diseases
the
Correct article usage
apply
global
.
A worthy attitude is Change the word
globally
also
crucial regarding to
wildlife Remove the preposition
apply
animals
not just for humans. There are plenty of punishment
engaged Fix the agreement mistake
punishments
while
training tricks. For instance
, circus trainers Change preposition
in
of
Asian countries Change preposition
in
do
beat naughty Verb problem
apply
animals
Change preposition
with
by
sticks which Change preposition
with
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
lead
them to be more Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
Replace the word
obedient
obedience
.
In conclusion, every country should accept rules to forbid Replace the word
obedient
animals
in order to stop unsatisfactory behaviour and to give them high quality
care in Add a hyphen
high-quality
own
world.Correct pronoun usage
their own
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on
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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task but can benefit from being more precise in its response and providing clearer, more relevant examples. Develop ideas fully to achieve higher scores in task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check for grammatical accuracy and consistency in sentence structures to make the writing smoother and easier to understand. Improved coherence can make your argument more persuasively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs by using transition words and phrases. This helps to guide the reader through your arguments cohesively.
Task Achievement
The essay makes a clear attempt to address the prompt and provides relevant points regarding animal welfare in entertainment.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and reinforces the writer's stance on the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.