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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and five your opinion.

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The importance of artwork for
children
Use synonyms
 at
school
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 is a mandatory which always debatable, and has now become more controversial. The importance of
art
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 for the youth generation going to
school
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 has provoked controversy over the potential impact of
this
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 trend on people over the
year
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years
show examples
. In my opinion, it can be agreed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
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 is a main part of young's lives taking up certain advantages.
However
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, there are some backwards as well.
This
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 essay will elaborate on the two different opinions and
hence
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 will lead to a logical conclusion. To start, there are numerous reasons why craft is vital, but the essential one lies in the
fatc
Correct your spelling
fact
 that it enhances the
chil's
Correct your spelling
child's
 imagination, and helps in boosting new skills.
Moreover
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, it produces creativity for young people to think to a new level.
Additionally
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,
children
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 having a craft in their hobby can prosper their skill for earning money in the future, as a profession.
Furthermore
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,
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
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 are more intelligent as compared to other
children
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.
For example
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, a study published by Forbes revealed that the main reason why
student
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students
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get
Verb problem
apply
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attended
Wrong verb form
attend
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in to
Change preposition
apply
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Harvard University is because of their creativity, as they have the capacity
reinvent
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to reinvent
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 a product in an already
satured
Correct your spelling
saturated
 market,
therefore
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, it is
possible
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possibly
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seen
Change the verb form
to see
show examples
 how imagination plays a vital role in all aspects of life.
On the other hand
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, approaches to deal with problems of the
importances
Fix the agreement mistake
importance
show examples
 of
art
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 are numerous, but the most effective one is that the government should make rules and
regolations
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regulations
 to give prizes and fix
salary
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salaries
show examples
 for
childrend
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children
 who do
art
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 so that their parent should not worry about their future and stop them doing it because useless in life as terms of economic
profiency
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proficiency
.
Moreover
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, some student only pay attention to
drawns
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draws
 and lose focus on their studies.
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as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
 a result they end up failing their test.
For instance
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, a study published by the University of MABA revealed that in Italy, every year they set a
studytable
Correct your spelling
study table
 to uptrend science and cultural study arm in arm with crafts. In conclusion, craftsmanship improves the abilities of
children
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 in
school
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 and makes them better people in the world.
Therefore
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,
art
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 should be
needed
Correct article usage
a needed
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 subject
fot
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for
alumins
Correct your spelling
alumina
 in
school
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. So based on the above-mentioned facts, it can be concluded that
,
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apply
show examples
 the impact of
art
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 is predominant,
although
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 solutions can be well handled for the future generation.

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task achievement
In the introduction, the phrase 'the importance of artwork for children at school is a mandatory which always debatable' is awkward. Consider rephrasing to something like 'The importance of art for children in school is a topic that has sparked much debate.'
coherence cohesion
Check your essay for grammar and spelling errors. For instance, 'the fatc' should be 'the fact' and 'chil's' should be 'child's'. These errors can interrupt the flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on coherence and cohesion by making sure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas flow logically. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph stays focused on a single main idea. The paragraph about the importance of art could be split for clarity, addressing creativity and future economic benefit in separate parts.
coherence cohesion
End with a clear, strong conclusion that summarizes your key points without introducing new information. The conclusion in your essay does this relatively well, but could be more concise.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument effectively, providing a balanced view.
task achievement
Specific examples, such as studies from Forbes and the University of MABA, add credibility to your arguments.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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