IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional and personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweighs the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
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In professional and personal lives, it is vital for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals to take risks. The main drawback to
this
Linking Words
 is
human
Correct article usage
the human
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 fear of taking risks
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 achieving the goals with an effort is the primary benefit that
outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighs
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 any disadvantage. People are afraid of having that extra chance to succeed. Like
for example
Linking Words
, a man works in a private company
who
Correct word choice
and
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 wishes to start his own business but, at the same time is not willing to do so because of, the socio-economic status of his family.
Although
Linking Words
 having an aim and not
able
Add a missing verb
being able
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 to reach there
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of taking risks is a major loss for his both lives.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 some humans are very brave and are always ready to grab that opportunity though with difficulties.
For instance
Linking Words
, a
women
Correct the article-noun agreement
woman
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 working at Apple gets to know that she might get promoted to senior post if, she completes the given targets
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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 for a month. The
women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
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 works harder, accepts, faces and overcomes new barriers every single day and ultimately achieves the position. Thereby, if we push ourselves, accept the challenges and give our best
then
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, all of us will definitely get what we want in at work and after work life. In conclusion, every citizen should accept the impossible without any phobia in order to achieve
objectives
Correct article usage
the objectives
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 of our lives.
Submitted by nikitanalawade681 on

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task achievement
In the introduction, clearly outline the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will help create a roadmap for your reader.
task achievement
While your examples do relate to the points being made, try to include more specific details to make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases more effectively to connect paragraphs and ideas within paragraphs. This will improve the overall flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to develop your points more fully, providing a greater depth of analysis. This will help in ensuring that your arguments are well-supported and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your essay as a whole has a logical progression from one point to the next.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt at addressing the topic and provided relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and help frame the essay, giving it a clear beginning and end.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: