You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages? You should write at least 250 words.

There is a tendency for people to move from their homes in order to find a more successful job. The essay believes that the pros of
such
a lifestyle outweigh the cons
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since jobs in big
cities
offer higher salaries than in smaller ones, where
this
tendency is quite widespread, and the fact that a high income is directly associated with a better
life
. It is conventional that people always seek for a better
life
. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
matter of fact, people tend to find it in big
cities
where
average
Add an article
the average
show examples
salary is much higher than in small
towns
. A recent surveillance provided by an
independed
Correct your spelling
independent
press illustrates that salaries in small American
towns
are less in a fraction of 25% than in big
cities
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
New York and Washington. So that only means that a high salary makes
Correct article usage
the perspectives
show examples
perspectives
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
show examples
to live there merely better. But does really an uplifted revenue mean that
life
in big
cities
is better than in small
towns
?
Suprisingly
Correct your spelling
Surprisingly
,
that is
right. An inquiry that was made a year ago indicates that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the more
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
earns, the better his
life
level is. The average
life
levels were compared between big
cities
and small
towns
and it revealed that the discern was wild 30%. That only means that citizens of big
cities
who usually earn more, seem to live a better
life
than those who live in small
towns
and have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less income. To infer, the pros of moving to a place where a person's labour will be paid better definitely outweigh the cons, since the more money a person possesses, the higher his
life
level.
Submitted by katerina21.05 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay answers the question and gives clear arguments, it would benefit from more specific and diverse examples to support the main points. Try to include real-life examples or statistical data to strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a logical progression of ideas within and between paragraphs. The transition between discussing salary differences and life quality could be smoother. Make use of transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Avoid grammatical errors and awkward phrasing such as 'uplifted revenue' and 'as the matter of fact.' These can distract the reader and detract from the overall clarity of the essay. Consider revising these areas for better readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction that presents the main argument, and concludes with a summary that reinforces the initial statement. This helps in maintaining a clear focus throughout.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt adequately, discussing both the advantages and the disadvantages, and provides a clear stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: