IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
A number of people advocate for a relatively indifferent attitude towards setbacks in life
such
 as financial crises and professional challenges. I disagree with
this
 belief and believe that taking initiative is crucial in changing an unsatisfactory situation. On
one
 hand, people having passive thoughts on hardships tend to believe in their destiny rather than their own agency and willpower. When encountering challenges in life, they are likely to account adversities as the arrangement of God and do not trust in their own power to transform the condition, which could
also
 be considered as an excuse to free themselves from industrious work. What’s worse, their unresponsive thinking and conduct would lead to more mental suffering when they fall into a vicious circle.
Instead
 of being passive and self-pity, it is imperative that necessary and prompt actions are taken proactively in dealing with critical situations to avoid putting oneself in an even worse mire. Rome is not built in
one
 day, and bad situations do not change in
one
 day. It is every small positive movement that builds up good habits, and these routines lead to positive changes
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the bigger course
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 life.
For example
, if
one
 desires to become fit,
they
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 might need a healthy daily dietary plan and commit to
regular
Add an article
a regular
the regular
show examples
 workout routine.
To conclude
, people facing difficult situations should take steps and make efforts to ameliorate unwanted results. Even
tiny
Correct article usage
a tiny
show examples
 adjustment would turn the whole dynamic and bring about more satisfactory changes.
Submitted by runyaokou on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Introduce more specific examples to support your points. This can make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that your ideas are developed thoroughly and clearly. Each point should be expanded upon to avoid any ambiguity.
complete response
Although the essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, it could benefit from a more balanced discussion. You could provide a few more points or thoughts on why some people prefer to accept bad situations.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a very clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion effectively.
logical structure
Your main points are logically structured, making it easy to follow your arguments.
supported main points
The essay does a good job of supporting main points with relevant main ideas, though more detailed examples could strengthen it further.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
What to do next:
Look at other essays: