IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many places, people’s lifestyle is changing rapidly and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#places #people’s #lifestyle #relationships #development
It is true that individuals nowadays tend to sharply change the way they live and
this
alleviate
Change the verb form
alleviates
show examples
 family bonds.
This
 essay attempts to shed light on both
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
 and demerits of
this
 phenomenon before concluding that the benefits are more significant. On the one hand, it is undeniable that the link between family members is negatively affected by the changes in the lifestyle of
people
 nowadays.
Firstly
, teenagers likely take a barrier from their parents
due to
 the gap generation. To
be explained
Wrong verb form
explain
show examples
, many cutting-edge technologies have changed the way young
people
 communicate and entertain which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge distinction between parents and their
offsprings
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offspring
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 and
this
 is a reason for many family conflicts, domestic violence,
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 even divorces.
Secondly
,
people
 would live faster than in the past in order to catch up with the development of society.
As a result
, they do not have enough time
spending
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to spend
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
neither
Correct word choice
either
show examples
 their family
nor
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 themself which could increase the likelihood of isolation in human and the lack of
careness
Correct your spelling
care
 between relatives in
this
 day and age.
On the other hand
, it is a host of compelling reasons as to why I
convinced
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am convinced
show examples
 that the advantages of
this
 tendency
dominates
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dominate
show examples
 the drawbacks. First and foremost,
people
 tend to work more effectively and flexibly so as to gain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. Specifically, the competition in
work
Add an article
the work
show examples
 environment today has risen significantly
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
makes
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 individuals enhance their work ethic and
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility for what they do.
Additionally
, adolescents might be more confident and speak more languages than the
last
 generation.
This
 is because
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they have more opportunities to show their ability and they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 easily access
to
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apply
show examples
new languages by using laptops,
afitical
Correct your spelling
optical
critical
inteligence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 which are immensely common in
this
 era. In conclusion,
while
 changing
in
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apply
show examples
the lifestyle of
people
 could affect the family connection,
this
 writer
believe
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believes
show examples
 that the positive sides of
this
 tendency
dominated
Wrong verb form
dominate
show examples
 the negative ones.
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the question well, providing a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages of changing lifestyles. However, your argument would have been stronger if you provided more specific examples to support your points, particularly in the second paragraph.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure, the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs can be improved. For example, using more transitional phrases can help enhance the coherence.
task achievement
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that slightly obscure your meaning. For instance, 'afitical inteligence' should be 'artificial intelligence.' Proofreading your essay for such errors will improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
You have introduced the topic well and provided a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points you'll discuss.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reiterates your main argument, providing a strong end to your essay.
task achievement
You have discussed both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced approach to the essay question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Societal shifts
  • Independence
  • Self-reliance
  • Technological advancements
  • Communication
  • Urbanization
  • Globalization
  • Open-mindedness
  • Tolerance
  • Face-to-face interactions
  • Family gatherings
  • Familial bonds
  • Work-life imbalance
  • Neglect
  • Cultural gap
  • Generational gap
  • Misunderstandings
  • Conflicts
What to do next:
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