IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#aim #science #people’s #lives
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People
Use synonyms
 have different views on whether
science
Use synonyms
studises
Correct your spelling
studies
 should to studied for
people
Use synonyms
's
lives
Use synonyms
 or for other purposes. I would agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that the significant aim of scientific
advanced
Replace the word
advancement
show examples
 is to develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
lives
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, there are some grounds to support the view that
scienctific
Correct your spelling
scientific
 studies's major goal
have
Verb problem
is
show examples
 to develop
society
Use synonyms
. First of all, almost all
science
Use synonyms
 parts
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 deeply connected with citizen's
lives
Use synonyms
. In general, a variety of advanced
science
Use synonyms
techquies
Correct your spelling
techniques
 has boosted
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of
society
Use synonyms
. For
instace
Correct your spelling
instance
, scientific developments
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 helped one of the vital parts of
Use synonyms
people as
Change preposition
people's
show examples
 health. In the past, numerous
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 lacked proper cures and medicines
such
Linking Words
 as vaccines. Through diverse studies, scientists have
discoverd
Correct your spelling
discovered
 effective treatments. It is undeniable that scientific investigations play a crucial role in
people
Use synonyms
's most
improtant
Correct your spelling
important
 part.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
argriculture
Correct your spelling
agriculture
 played the main role in human
society
Use synonyms
 before the
industrial revolution
Correct your spelling
Industrial Revolution
show examples
. With scientific advancement,
society
Use synonyms
 is
rapidily
Correct your spelling
rapidly
 transitioning to modern life and
peple's
Correct your spelling
people's
 working parts
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 diverse as well. In general, these changes led to
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhanced
show examples
 standards of
people
Use synonyms
's
lives
Use synonyms
 and
offer
Wrong verb form
offered
show examples
 many
convenience
Change the noun form
conveniences
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as digital devices, machines, and vehicles.
According to
Linking Words
 historical research, when
people
Use synonyms
 do not have advanced technological skills, they
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in discomfort and difficulty and even mortalities
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, as a lot of
science
Use synonyms
 sectors
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 progressed, many factories, technologies, and
techquines
Correct your spelling
technologies
 could
generated
Change the verb form
generate
show examples
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 of getting occupations
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 living standards.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the most important goal of
science
Use synonyms
 should be
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
show examples
 better quality of human
society
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it seems to me that it is not a clear-cut issue as there are various reasons for studying
science
Use synonyms
 among
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that the primary
roots
Fix the agreement mistake
root
show examples
 of scientific research is to improve
people
Use synonyms
's
lives
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, despite there are certain benefits of
this
Linking Words
 view, individuals should carefully weigh up
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 and cons before utilizing scientific developments in
society
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kimjy3329 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
1. Pay attention to grammatical accuracy: There are several grammar and spelling errors that affect clarity, such as 'studies's,' 'scienctific,' and 'techquies.' Proofreading can help catch these mistakes.
sentence structure
2. Improve sentence variety: The essay contains several sentences that start similarly or are too simple. Using a variety of sentence structures can enhance readability.
development
3. Elaborate on points more clearly: Some points are well-intentioned but lack enough detailed explanation. Examples like 'numerous disease lacked proper cures' can be expanded upon to provide better clarity.
structure
1. Strong introduction and conclusion: The essay presents a clear introduction and a thoughtful conclusion, which creates a good frame for the argument.
task response
2. Relevance to the topic: The essay stays relevant to the topic and provides a complete response, addressing various aspects of how science improves lives.
coherence
3. Logical flow: The argument follows a logical sequence, making it easy to follow the writer's train of thought.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: