The graph below shows information about the activities that Boy and Girl enjoy doing the most in VN.

The graph below shows information about the activities that Boy and Girl enjoy doing the most in VN.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The graph below shows information about the activities that Boy and Girl enjoy doing the most in VN.
The chart illustrates the proportion of teenage
boys
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and
girls
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in Vietnam engaging in different pastimes in 2010.
Overall
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,
boys
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enjoyed outdoor exercises more,
whereas
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girls
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had a higher participation rate in indoor activities. Playing computer games or watching DVDs were the
favorite
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favourite
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activities for both genders. The percentage of
boys
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who went to the park or participated in sports exercises made up a quarter and 27% respectively, in comparison with only 7% for Art and Craft and 10% for male readers. Meanwhile, the proportions of
boys
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selected either playing computer games or watching DVDs were the same at 15%. Art and Craft was the most favourite activity, with 25% of
girls
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choosing it.
Additionally
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, the percentages of
girls
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who opted for DVDs and those who chose reading books were the same at 17%, slightly higher than that for computer games at 15%.
Lastly
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, the equivalent shares of
girls
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who go to the park and those choosing sports exercises were equally at 12%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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