IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #job #future
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In
the
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modern times, some
peolpe
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people
 think that individuals should choose their occupation in the way that they want,
meanwhile
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meanwhile,
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 others argue that they should be more realistic and think about their own future. In my opinion,
person
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a person
the person
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 should be more true to life, as that picked job can bring him confidence about the future and can be
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more
moree
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Submitted by aizered097 on

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task achievement
Your essay introduction needs to be more structured. Clearly introduce the two viewpoints and your own opinion.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on your viewpoint by explaining why you believe it is better to be realistic when choosing a job. Provide examples or reasons to support your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a clear logical progression from one idea to the next. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Include a conclusion that summarizes the key points of your argument and reiterates your opinion.
grammar
Avoid grammatical errors like 'peolpe' which should be 'people' and 'person should be more true to life' which should be 'a person should be more realistic'. Also ensure pronouns are consistent: 'their future,' not 'his or her future.'
task achievement
The introduction attempts to highlight both viewpoints in the debate.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career trajectory
  • job satisfaction
  • employment prospects
  • financial stability
  • job security
  • economically viable
  • harnessing potential
  • labor market
  • vocational guidance
  • real-world demands
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