IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#smoker #places
In recent years, it is common to see
people
 smoking in public places. But
according to
 scientific research reveals,
smoking
Correct word choice
that smoking
show examples
would
Verb problem
is
show examples
 be harmful for nearby
people
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
than the person smoking. There is an opinion that smoking should be prohibited in public places in order to dilute the situation. Personally, I strongly agree with
this
 statement. It is obvious that
air
 pollution has become
severe
Add an article
a severe
show examples
 issue around big cities, which leads to numerous respiratory problems among
people
. I think smoking in public places
worsen
Correct subject-verb agreement
worsens
show examples
 the situation. Smoke coming
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smoking
is contributing
Wrong verb form
contributes
show examples
 to
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
dust
Change preposition
in dust
show examples
 particles surrounding
air
Correct article usage
the air
show examples
. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance, it is very common to observe that whenever there is someone in
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 smoking,
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 family members
also
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from diseases
such
 as lung
cancers
Fix the agreement mistake
cancer
show examples
 or birth defects. Harmful
substance
Fix the agreement mistake
substances
show examples
 in tobacco include Arsenic, Benzene, Carbone monoxide and nicotin. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance ,Most of them are
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
categorized
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
 major
air
pollutant
Fix the agreement mistake
pollutants
show examples
 listed by UNESCO as hazardous
air
 pollutants.
Accordingly
Add a comma
Accordingly,
show examples
 it
is obviously state
Change the verb form
is obviously stated
show examples
 that there is
significant
Add an article
a significant
the significant
show examples
 effect
Change preposition
of
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 smoking
Change preposition
on
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
air
 quality around crowded areas. Apart from that, some
people
 throw the remaining part of the cigarette here and there, which can lead to unexpected fires.
Although
 They have not done
intentionally
Correct pronoun usage
it intentionally
show examples
, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 some news about
such
 scenarios within
past
Add an article
the past
show examples
 year. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance,
according to
people
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
forest fires
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 launched with
such
 remaining cigarette parts
people
 have thrown
during
Change preposition
while
show examples
 travelling.
Nevertheless
,
it
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 summary, Smoking can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 the person who smoking,
people
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
him
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and other living beings. These are only two reasons which I think can lead to severe health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
as well as
 disasters. In my opinion, it is better to prohibit smoking
around
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public areas to minimize the adverse effects.
Submitted by wm.asanka.sandaruwan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue and addresses the task requirements effectively. However, some of the ideas could be developed further to provide a more comprehensive argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on better connecting your ideas and paragraphs. Using a variety of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, in addition, however) will help make your argument flow more smoothly.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on your examples. For instance, you mentioned UNESCO in relation to air pollutants without providing context or a clear link to smoking bans. Ensure examples directly support your points.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly sets out your position on the topic and engages the reader.
logical structure
Your essay has a logical structure, with clear paragraphs dedicated to specific points.
relevant specific examples
You provided relevant examples, such as the connection between smoking and respiratory problems, which help illustrate your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: