IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages

Charging
visitors
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 for admission to
museums
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 is becoming a problem that many
people
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 pay attention to. They think that there will be more advantages than disadvantages in collecting fees, others have the opposite opinion . We can see that to maintain the
museum
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's operations, the government needs to spend a large amount of money on equipment here
such
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 as power supply for the lighting system.
Therefore
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, charging
visitors
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 to enter the
museum
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 is completely reasonable, it contributes to supporting the state budget and creating conditions for archaeological activities.
Moreover
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, to be able to gather antiques to bring to a local
museum
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, the expenses paid by the state are very large, they are used to contribute to the research and appraisal of experts, and pay salaries to staff and security guards.
In addition
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, charging
visitors
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 to enter the
museum
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 is very important in preserving and maintaining the
artifacts
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artefacts
show examples
 that are passed down from generation to generation. Each individual only needs to pay a small fee when visiting, but it can help them comprehend more knowledge about the value of history and contribute to the development of antiquities sightseeing areas.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 believe that it is unnecessary to charge
visitors
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 to enter the
museum
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 for many reasons.
First,
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in poor or developing countries,
people
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 work very hard to earn a salary that can cover their lives
instead
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 of having to pay for
museums
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 to visit.
Second,
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in some countries like Vietnam, most
people
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 tend to go to music performances and cinemas rather than to art and history exhibitions. They think that
place
Correct article usage
the place
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 is uninteresting and boring, so most
museums
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 in Vietnam have very few
visitors
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, most of the
visitors
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 are
people
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 from other countries or older
people
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.
As a result
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, if
museums
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 are forced to pay admission fees, they risk
dramatic
Correct article usage
a dramatic
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reduce
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reduction
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 in the number of
visitors
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.
This
Linking Words
 causes a large number of valuable historical
artifacts
Change the spelling
artefacts
show examples
 to gradually be forgotten and inaccessible to today's teenager In conclusion, charging
people
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 to enter
museums
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 will have more advantages than disadvantages. It is important for each individual to respect and have knowledge of the antiques that have been passed down by previous generations through the local
museum
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.

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task achievement
For a higher score, try to integrate more specific examples or case studies to substantiate your points. This will make your argument more relatable and convincing.
task achievement
While your essay does cover both sides of the argument, ensure that each main point is expanded upon with more detail. This will help in providing a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance overall cohesion. This can be achieved through the use of transitional phrases and linking words.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be more concise for better readability. Avoid overly long sentences and break them into more digestible parts where necessary.
introduction
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion by presenting both sides of the argument. This sets a good context for the reader.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main argument and reiterates your stance, which helps in reinforcing the overall message of the essay.
task achievement
You have covered various aspects of the argument, including financial and cultural considerations, which shows a well-rounded understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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