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Writing Samples
Band 4

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subject, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Subjects related to
art
Use synonyms
, like drawing or painting play a crucial role in the growth of a child,
as a result
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, high schools should let
students
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 learn as an obligation class.
This
Linking Words
 author disagrees with the statement because
art
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 depends more on
talent
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 and relieves stress among
students
Use synonyms
. First and foremost,
talent
Use synonyms
 is the most important factor in
art
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. To explain, without
talent
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, a child cannot be involved well enough in painting or drawing, which demands a high creative ability.
Moreover
Linking Words
, their
talent
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 can help them appreciate the aesthetic qualities of
art
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.
For example
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, van Gogh was known as a brilliant artist, who created many priceless works of
art
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.
Furthermore
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, adding
art
Use synonyms
 as an optional subject in high school can lead to a decrease in the quantity of knowledge that
students
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 have to learn.
Besides
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, some main disciplines including math, physics or chemistry related to many fields in society
while
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art
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 is just a particular area.
Therefore
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, cutting down on an obligation subject can reduce stress among
students
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, high schools should not add painting and drawing as an obligatory
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 because
art
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 is related more to gifts.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, it
also
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 reduces
stress
Correct article usage
the stress
show examples
 that
students
Use synonyms
 have suffered.

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task achievement
Develop a clearer and more consistent thesis statement in the introduction to provide a strong foundation for the argument.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your main points. Examples can help to illustrate your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow and continuity of ideas. Consider using connecting words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea of the paragraph. This will help maintain a logical structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which demonstrates good organizational skills.
task achievement
The main points are relevant to the task and provide a basis for a coherent argument against making art compulsory in high schools.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • critical thinking
  • emotional expression
  • mental well-being
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • cultural awareness
  • fine motor skills
  • inclusivity
  • artistic skills
  • balanced curriculum
  • holistic education
  • constructive outlet
  • academic pressure
  • brain stimulation
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