Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

People have different views on whether studying other
subjects
with the main
subject
has positive or negative influences on
students
.
This
essay will discuss
this
phenomenon from both perspectives, and I believe that
students
should study extra
subjects
at the university with their main material, because of the options for their future jobs. On the one hand, there are some grounds to support the view that young people should focus on their main
subject
. First of all, they definitely chose their major because of
occupations
Correct pronoun usage
their occupations
show examples
. In fact, the university's significant purpose is the
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
of their expertise
skills
for getting a job.
In other words
, if they are educated
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
extra
subjucts
Correct your spelling
subjects
,regardless of their main course, they might difficult to focus on any
subjects
,
due to
the fact that it is
also
the range of studying
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
.
According to
recent research,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous
students
who are learning sub-materials reported that they experienced failures in several
subjects
.
On the other hand
, I suggest that
students
have to study spare materials with their main course.
To begin
with, society has rapidly changed to the modern state, and a great number of employers want people who have diverse
skills
to adjust to their work. Even though almost all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
subject
Add an article
the subject
show examples
is connected with working
skills
or professional experiences, several majors focus on
out of professional
Add a hyphen
out-of-professional
show examples
skills
such
as arts or physical activities. Among the young who studied these
subjects
, they are more likely to acquire extra materials.
For instance
, many companies require a wide range of abilities for young employees these days. For these reasons,
students
desire to learn more than a single
subject
for better job opportunities. In short, the youth might choose
studying about
Verb problem
to study
show examples
other
subjects
in addition
to the main study, since it is undeniable that occupation
is
Verb problem
plays
show examples
a crucial role in their life. In conclusion, it is not a clear-cut issue as there are several advantages and disadvantages for both sides.
Hence
, individuals should consider its drawbacks before they make a decision.
Submitted by kimjy3329 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are well-presented, strengthening the logical flow of ideas and ensuring each paragraph fully supports the main argument would help improve coherence. Aim to make transitions between ideas smoother.
coherence cohesion
Make sure all points are clearly relevant to the argument. Currently, a few points could be better integrated. Ensure each body paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details that contribute directly to the essay prompt.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your arguments. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph sticks to one main idea and includes clear, developed reasoning for each argument presented.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and a summarizing conclusion, which helps frame your arguments well.
task achievement
Your essay presents arguments from both perspectives, which demonstrates a balanced view on the topic.
task achievement
The topic is adequately addressed and reflects a good understanding of the task requirements.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
Look at other essays: