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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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People have different views on whether studying other
subjects
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 with the main
subject
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 has positive or negative influences on
students
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.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 phenomenon from both perspectives, and I believe that
students
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 should study extra
subjects
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 at the university with their main material, because of the options for their future jobs. On the one hand, there are some grounds to support the view that young people should focus on their main
subject
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. First of all, they definitely chose their major because of
occupations
Correct pronoun usage
their occupations
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. In fact, the university's significant purpose is the
practicing
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practising
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 of their expertise
skills
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 for getting a job.
In other words
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, if they are educated
some
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in some
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 extra
subjucts
Correct your spelling
subjects
,regardless of their main course, they might difficult to focus on any
subjects
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,
due to
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 the fact that it is
also
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 the range of studying
increase
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increases
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.
According to
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 recent research,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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numerous
students
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 who are learning sub-materials reported that they experienced failures in several
subjects
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.
On the other hand
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, I suggest that
students
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 have to study spare materials with their main course.
To begin
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 with, society has rapidly changed to the modern state, and a great number of employers want people who have diverse
skills
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 to adjust to their work. Even though almost all
of
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apply
show examples
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subject
Add an article
the subject
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 is connected with working
skills
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 or professional experiences, several majors focus on
out of professional
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out-of-professional
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skills
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such
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 as arts or physical activities. Among the young who studied these
subjects
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, they are more likely to acquire extra materials.
For instance
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, many companies require a wide range of abilities for young employees these days. For these reasons,
students
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 desire to learn more than a single
subject
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 for better job opportunities. In short, the youth might choose
studying about
Verb problem
to study
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 other
subjects
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in addition
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 to the main study, since it is undeniable that occupation
is
Verb problem
plays
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 a crucial role in their life. In conclusion, it is not a clear-cut issue as there are several advantages and disadvantages for both sides.
Hence
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, individuals should consider its drawbacks before they make a decision.

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coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are well-presented, strengthening the logical flow of ideas and ensuring each paragraph fully supports the main argument would help improve coherence. Aim to make transitions between ideas smoother.
coherence cohesion
Make sure all points are clearly relevant to the argument. Currently, a few points could be better integrated. Ensure each body paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details that contribute directly to the essay prompt.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your arguments. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph sticks to one main idea and includes clear, developed reasoning for each argument presented.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong introduction and a summarizing conclusion, which helps frame your arguments well.
task achievement
Your essay presents arguments from both perspectives, which demonstrates a balanced view on the topic.
task achievement
The topic is adequately addressed and reflects a good understanding of the task requirements.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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